Tuesday, December 27, 2011

On Love

Tina Gerow, multipublished author (who's website you can see here), posted on facebook this quote yesterday:

"You can't just stop Loving someone; either you Always will, or you Never did."

It got me thinking...

How many times in any given day do you say that you love something? I love chocolate. I love coffee. I love this snuggie.

How many people do you say it to?

I watched an awesome documentary called Pompeii:Back from the Dead last night on Netflix. There was one skeleton called The Green Woman. She was a pregnant member of the aristocracy and her skeleton had turned green in the remains of the dead city Pompeii. It seems that the vast amount of jewels that she felt the need to take with her into supposed safety had reacted in a chemical change and turned green.

Green like money. Green like the emerald bracelet that she clutched to her pregnant belly in her last moments of life.

Not a miniature portrait of someone she loved who wasn't with her. Jewels.

How often do we forget to say, "I love you," to the ones that matter?

How often do we know that we love someone more than breath and yet fear saying the words?

Be it for sake of shame or fear of rebuttal or any number of reasons, how often do we bite our tongue on the words that really matter and instead say useless things, collect useless things, treasure inanimate THINGS when the ones we love we fear making precious?

I try to tell all my kids at least a dozen times a day that I love them. The people that are dear to me, I clutch in terror. It seems, for me at least, that mortality has been an ever present shadow over the ones that I love and perhaps it is because I learned so early how fast and unexpected death can come to your door... to your home... and take away the ones you love that I am so aware that the end is close at all times.

I read a story on the news of a woman who lost both her parents and her children in a devastating fire on Christmas day. The article went on to talk about her success in business. Does that matter? Is it some comfort to her that her career will go on when so much has been swept away as quickly as one might clear a dry erase board?

Some people in my life probably think me strange. I know one of my exes received a call from me a few months ago on which I left a message telling him how he changed the course of my life... How his love for me made me stronger and better and without it, although it may be gone now, I would not have the strength to go after the things I dream of.

We are no longer together but he made an impact on my life.

How many would not have made that call, fearing the reaction?

I guess my point is that the Green Woman of Pompeii died in a room full of slaves, clutching jewels that did not save her. We clutch to our bosoms the things that we think will matter... But so often leave us empty and alone.

Be the one who is not afraid of love. Love is messy. Love hurts. But without it, we are nothing but bones left to be picked over.

And remember the quote..."You can't just stop Loving someone; either you Always will, or you Never did." Because if you really love, it doesn't go away like a lightswitch flicked to kill the lights. It burns. It stays alive in you. It may change forms but if it is real love... It will never end so long as there is a breath left in your body.

Which is, again, sometimes messy. Sometimes painful. But it is wonderful because real love makes you stronger.

Even when they aren't there anymore.

Okay, this was me going on one of my Virg rants and I am sorry. Tomorrow will be much more upbeat. Tomorrow, Megan Slayer will be visiting the blog and she will give us the low-down on reviews and a sneak peek into her recent release.

But for tonight... Hug someone just because you want to. Tell someone you love them just because you do.

For tonight, remember the lesson of the Green Woman.

Happy writing!


  1. I know my jadedness is showing, but what if her husband was an abusive, inconsiderate bastard and she thought this disaster might just be a chance for her to make a break for it and raise her child somewhere far away from the SOB?

    Just a thought.

  2. Could be. Valid thought. I was a bit down when I wrote this...lol

  3. Still ... I'm skeptical. Maybe it's my age. When I was younger, I was a believer. Now ... I'm also jaded. I have had my loves and hurts like everyone else. I still remember the girl I dated through high school and until my senior year of college. She married a dentist while I was fishing in Alaska between semesters. Do I still lover her? Heck no, she ripped my heart out. Time changes everything. Now I see my relationship with my second wife far different than I did my first. We are partners. We meet each other's needs. My first wife of over 25 years doesn't enter my mind. That was painful, although I know I loved her for many years. There are few absolutes in life. Love is not one of them, although memories might be.

  4. See, maybe I am weird. If I ever actually LOVED someone, it doesn't stop for me. I still love them. There isn't a long list of those I loved but the ones I did...I still love.

    And the ones I have thought I loved that I no longer care about fall into the 'it wasn't really love in the first place' category.

    I was in love with the idea of loving them. I was in love with who I thought they were while wearing blinders to the reality. Something like that but not love.

    Not really in LOVE with them.

    But I know what you mean about the heart ripping... Those are the ones I lump in the not really knowing them category.

    But that is just me and, again, I might just be weird.

  5. I'm on the exact same page as you with that, Virg. When I love someone truly - the love never goes away. And looking back over m life I can tell the ones who truly had my love and those I was in love with the idea of loving, or that I was in love with who I thought they were, when they really weren't. So maybe we can be weird together...lol...


  6. How did I miss this post? This is such a personal and poignant blog. I'm sorry I didn't comment sooner.
    Very thought provoking.
    Also, I think there are 'loves' that aren't romantic that effect us. As in the case of friends. Most of us won't tell our friends we love them because they may take it the wrong way but there are people in our lives that we care about and there are others that the friendship was shallow. later looking back we realized that the friendship wasn't that close. On the flip side--sometimes we're friends with someone for a long time before we realize how important they are to us.
    So whether romantic love or the platonic variety. I agree that you either love them or you never really did.

  7. Well, in regards to that, I love ya, HC :) <3