It's me. I'll post a picture of my head on facebook and all the nice folks tell me how prettiful I look and I check out the picture again, to see what they're seeing.
What I notice? Well, look...my eye and one side of my mouth aren't even with the other. The lack of symmetry is the facial droop left from my strokes. Gah, what is up with my googley eyes? Why did I post this?
I write a story and I then shoot the file off to my crit partners. After clicking send, the waves of regret hit. Man, I should have run another round of edits on that before I sent it out. And my premise? What was I thinking? It's too weird, I don't have the voice for that story...my characters? Gah, who can identify with her? She's a twit!
I've even been known to do it while speaking. Did I really say that out loud? *headsmack* Oh, no, I shouldn't have headsmacked. Maybe no one noticed that I should walk around with a ball gag in my mouth to protect the public from my raving stupidity...oh, no, here it comes.
Now I'm laughing. Crap. I'm braying like a donkey being beaten. Fudge.
I know I'm not the only one constantly beating myself up. We're programmed to do it.
Still, I work on lifting others up. I hope I'm a generally nice person and that I'm much kinder to others than I am myself.
Do you guys silently holler at yourselves, too?
I do. Thanks to friends like you who have lifted me up, I've tried to be a better friend to myself. My logic is: if someone like Virginia Nelson thinks I'm OK then maybe I am?
ReplyDeleteI do. Thanks to friends like you who have lifted me up, I've tried to be a better friend to myself. My logic is: if someone like Virginia Nelson thinks I'm OK then maybe I am?
ReplyDeleteI often feel the same way. :)
DeleteAll the time in a semi-constant barrage. I try not to, but it's engrained over the past forty or so years...sigh. It's a never ending battle but I'll keep on fighting it! Hang in there girl! :)
ReplyDeleteAlways. I even hollar at myself out loud.lol
ReplyDeleteI tell self deprecating jokes about myself--until my hubby or Virg tell me to knock it off.
I am always judging myself and always come up wanting.
We need to try to be better friends to ourselves, really.
I try to think to myself: Would I say this mean crap to my friends, family or kids?
Would I tell Virg or Hubby--Your too whatever or not enough etc?
The answer is always--Hell No!
I do wish we could all see us like others do.
Every minute of every day I can't fathom why anyone would wasn't to talk with me, look last me, etc. I feel hard-wired to be this way.
ReplyDeleteThanks, guys. I like HC's point. I wouldn't ever in a million years be as mean to my worst enemy as I am to myself.
ReplyDeleteAnd I really think we all do deal with it. It's another one of those things we're not supposed to talk about.
But if we don't, how are we ever going to remember to be nice to ourselves, ya know?