Tomorrow!!

Now available for preorder, August 5th release!

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3 Days!

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5 Days!

Now available for preorder, August 5th release!

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B&N http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/while-you-were-writing-virginia-nelson/1119568987?ean=9781619222335

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Add it on Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22173466-while-you-were-writing

Feeling Old

By 19, I was married and pregnant. By 20, she was born.

My darling daughter turns sweet sixteen this year...

It feels like just yesterday I turned sixteen. I remember that birthday. I lost my best friend in February of that year. I had the party at my mom's house...and got to go to Space Academy that year. By seventeen, I'd met her father.

By 22, I was divorced and on my own with two wonderful children and not sure how I was going to do it. By 24, I had all of the kids and we were on our own.

The years, they sped by.

Age 1

Age 3

Age 4

Age 16

It went so fast...

So today, this close to her birthday, I'm feeling a little emotional. My baby is growing up so fast. My beautiful little baby, my only daughter, and she's becoming a woman so fast.

Justy, I love you. And to my middle son...who turns 14 this week, happy birthday, my little man of the house. All three of you kids have made this house a home, wherever we were. You've made us a family and I don't know what I would do without any of you. Thanks for making my life so very special and full of laughter and love for these years that slipped by so quickly.

Momma loves you guys.

Okay, off to cry. Happy writing.

Top Ten Turn Ons

So, it's probably not a secret that I write dirty books.

Wait, some of you didn't know?  Okay, confession...I write dirty books.

So, part of the gig is that I watch people.  I watch how they interact and I pay really close attention to how various situations make me feel.  I listen to my friends and strangers talk and try to hear the words that aren't said.  The ones that are given in a tiny tilt of the head, in the flutter of a nervous hand, or catch of breath.

So, I decided to do one of my lists.  Been awhile since I've done one so here are my Top Five Turn Ons (gathered from my own experience and those of people I've watched) and they might not be what you think--especially if you thought I was about to list body parts.

5. Knowing you well enough to give you what you didn't know you even wanted.

Whether it's from your special someone or just someone special, if they pay close enough attention to get you something you wanted but maybe never even said you needed...that is rare.  It means you're paying enough attention to see me, rather than the mask I've put up for the world to see.

4. The ability to call bullshit.

We all do it. The innocent little lies, the ones we tell even ourselves, to either make things better or to pretend things are okay...and if someone is paying close enough attention to you to call bullshit when you're full of it...That's hot.

3. Making you a better person just by being there.

We've all had that person at some point or another.  They challenge us.  They make us want to be a better person.  When we're with them, we almost feel like we are better people, or could be.  There's something unbelievably sexy about liking who you are and someone who has the ability to give you hope.

2. The eyes.

Little moments, not more than a few seconds, when your eyes meet and for just a second, you know they get it.  You don't need words.  They just get it and you get it and it's all there in that gaze.  Magical, this silent communication, but when it happens and the need for words stops to be replaced by this...it's something you never forget.



1. They listen...and really talk to you.

We talk to hundreds of people in any given week. Thousands in months. Millions over the course of a year. But those times when you're talking and someone really hears you--when they answer and you're just left nodding as they answer. When the words flow and the topics slip from one to another without any awkward silences almost as if--for that brief instant--you're souls are in tune...
That's steaming up your glasses sexy.

What are the things that you find sexy?
Happy Writing!

Equality

I have had a terrible week. I have been sick and stuck in my emotional dark place. I even made the grand mistake of taking a peek into my 'secret room' (borrowed from the Fabulous Lorraine's blog on 1/29 as it is a perfect term) at all my own personal demons roiling in silent screams. Spice on the emotional-train-wreck-pie was that this week is the anniversary of some really important people dying. So grief has been heavy as well, laden with memories and should-have-beens.

To top things off, I have been using my sword more frequently this week. Battles with my kids schools, battles with author friends, battles with people from my past, and finally today a battle with my best friend, who is one of the most important people in the world to me.

When I emailed one of my dear friends and told her I feel trapped in my dark place and that the world was a weight that was crushing my chest this week...

I wasn't kidding.

But I am a firm believer that there is balance in this universe.

I got an email a little while ago which lifted my heart a little. A dear friend, who has been going through some craptastic stuff of late, is in love. And the email was full of all the dewy happiness that 'in love' is supposed to mean.

And I smiled. Really smiled, from the bottom of my soul smiling.

Maybe it doesn't make all the other feelings I have had this week better but it does remind me that even when I am trapped in the darkness, smothering in a thousand ugly emotions, others are finding happiness. Others, who really deserve it, are finding peace and comfort and that thrilling blend of emotions that only happens when you fall head over heels heedlessly in love.

And other great things are happening. And my time will come, too. Because there is balance in the universe.

And if me having one hellish week balances out even one moment of her happiness, then I am glad this week has sucked for me.

Okay, back to revel in the darkness. Like fevers, dark places in your soul get worse at night. And I have some demons to fight... *brandishes sword*

By the way, the image above is called Beauty in a Dark Place. I thought it was fitting. You can find the original here.

List inspiring ads...AKA Break up lines and come backs

Amusing Facebook ad of the day:
Read a mans mind... click here!

A. Why do you think that ad is something I would be interested in, Facebook? What choices have I made in the past to lead you to give me that ad?

B. How hard can it be to read a straight mans mind? Bacon-good. Breasts-good. The question, "What are you thinking?" Bad.

See? I am well on my way to manly mind-reading, no clicking required.

C. No, that wasn't sexist. I can do straight woman as well. Chocolate-good. Sleep-good. Thor's 3d nipples-good. "I think we should talk..." Bad

Which all got me to thinking... I haven't done a list in awhile.

So, here is a list of the things no one wants to hear, regardless of their sexual preference.

(Insert drumroll...)

5. It isn't you, it's me.

This is the line of douchebaggery that is only given when the person saying it doesn't even care enough to give you the actual reason they are not interested. Basically, what they are really saying is, "I can't even come up with one reason...there are so many!" Or maybe they are saying, "If I tell you why, you will try to fix it. And I don't want that." But instead of being honest and saying either of those things so you can correct whatever they think you did in future relationships with less douchey people, they give you the generic you/me speech.

Great responses to this line:

1. You're right. It is. You suck.
2. Which part of you? I do have a list of your flaws so if you could pick the ones that we're talking about, I could agree with you.
3. Well, of course it isn't me.

4. I think we need some time apart.

What they are really saying is, "I want to bang someone else." Or maybe, "I am banging someone else." And they are also saying, "But I want you as a spare tire just in case it doesn't work.

Great responses to this line:
1. Yup. Like forever.
2. I always thought your brother/sister was hotter anyway.
3. What is his/her name?

3. I think we should talk...

If you catch this one before they can finish the sentence, it is awesome. Because, yeah, what they are saying is, "I am about to try to let you down gently."

Great responses to this line:
1. Nothing. Walk away
2. We don't have to. Let me grab your XBox for you.

2. Do you really see this working x years in the future?

What they are really saying is, "I don't see this working. So if you do, lemme know how."

Great responses to this line:
1. Nope. But I was trying to settle for less than I am worth.
2. I honestly believe that the world is going to end in October. So... uh, we are probably good for about that long, right?
3. Nah, but you are pretty good in the sack.

1. I hope that we can stay friends.

What they are really saying is, "I really hope that you will stay my spare tire. I mean, there may be a dry spell in the future and, in that case, I wouldn't mind trying this again... you know, until I find the Right One. Because I know you aren't it but I am sure we could string this out for the next decade or ten, right?

Great responses to this line:
1. If it is over, it's over, cupcake.
2. I enjoy stabbing myself with sporks... staying friends with you and loving you while you go on with your life sounds equally painful. Let's do it!
3. I have lots of friends. None of them have shagged me and left me. So, uh, pass. But thanks.

I'm in LOOOoooOOOve...

I'm in LOOOoooOOOve...

(Insert hearts and flowers and butterflies and shit here, if you will.)

This past year, many of you dear blogophiles may have noticed that I have been considering the different forms love takes in our lives. I think it is necessary as an author to be a weird combination of philosopher and people watcher. I think it adds to the dimension of our characters and our ability to bring them to life for you readers out there. I can't make you feel punched in the gut with emotion... make tears clog up in your eyes or have you snarf coffee all over the screen if I, the author, am not feeling the emotions as I paint with my palette of words.

I certainly can't turn you on and have your face flush if I don't understand passion.

That said, I have always thought that I have a lot in common with Jane Austen--when it comes to romance, anyway.

I don't believe in love at first sight. I never have. Lust at first sight, okay. Chemistry at first sight, sure.

Love? Yeah, no. I don't believe it. I know some of you are enthralled with the idea of it but me, personally, no. I believe that love, real love, is something that is built up over conversations. Love is built up over time when you see that person, really see them for who they are... and still care.

That person might not be a knight in shining armor. He might not always make the right choices. He might not always look like a cover model from a romance novel.

But there is something about them...

Once I fell in love with my best friend. Which was funny, really, because I had REFUSED to go out with him. He was a dork. He wasn't my type. I had a thousand reasons to say NO. Lucky for me, he was a stubborn asshole who kept nudging and nudging until I finally caved. And then he bloody well ignored me. Seriously. He would take me to movies and dinner and talk up a storm...

But he never held my hand or tried to kiss me. This shit went on for MONTHS.

It went on exactly the right amount of time for me to realize that I LIKED him. (Which reminded me of a line off Vampire Diaries last night. "It's right. It's just not right now.") Not just as a friend. It let me get past myself and see him for who he was and that I liked it. It got me to a point that I couldn't help but smile when he grinned and his eyes crinkled just so...

And also to a point that I had firmly decided (because I am sometimes psychic... But my amazing psychic abilities are for another post) that he didn't like me like THAT.

So when he finally got around to kissing me, my head shot off my shoulders and my heart leapt to my throat and all in all, I fell harder than I had ever fallen before.

Y'see, if they are your best friend, it is next to impossible to guard your heart from them.

Which was a hard lesson to learn. I bet you were hoping that this was the part where I told you we went off into the sunset and lived happily ever after and have been married now for x-amount of years and some other great stuff like that.

Nope.

Oh, I can tell you more goopy romantic stuff though. He once Cinderella'd me. I refused to go to the ball. Refused. I had about a hundred excuses. So, once he had battered down enough of them, I went with more mundane excuses on the day of the ball. "I don't have a dress."

He produced a dress, perfect, and in my size. So now I am standing there, scraping the bottom of the excuse barrel. "I don't have shoes. Or underthings for a dress and..."

He pulls out shoes and underthings. Me- How did you know what SIZE???

Him-grin.

"Well, I can't go to a ball without my hair fixed." shrug "Or a sitter. So you see it is really IMPOSSIBLE for me to go to the ball."

You know that man had a HAIRDRESSER lined up? *wiggles fingers at HC* It was downright devious.

Anyway, he also once tried to give me a ring... Which I also rejected with a panic attack kind of reaction. I refused to open it until he had ensured me it wasn't THAT kind of ring.

(Are you getting from this that I am not the easiest woman in the world to DATE? I fully expect the comments section below to be FULL of offers from men needing more rejection in their lives. Cuz, man, am I a keeper or WHAT??)

But like I said, this story doesn't have the happy ever after that I am sure you expected. Because in real life, sometimes shit happens. People, no matter how gooshy and sugery and sexy it all may have been, find ways to make it all fall apart.

Here's the deal, though. If it hadn't fallen all apart, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have learned--ever--how independent I can really be. I would have spent my life leaning on his strength. I would have known, every day at any hour, that Mr. Knight in Shining Armor-even-if-rusty would come and save the day.

But knowing that the Knight wasn't there allowed me to find out I am resourceful. I am stubborn, too. (Probably I should have realized that before... yeah, I am stubborn about realizing I am stubborn, too. Go fig.) I had people who controlled my life when he was around. I never would have sloughed those chains loose if I knew that he could scrape my ass out of any hole I fell in.

So my happily ever after was that he left. That I found out how kickass I am. That I can survive anything.

I wouldn't have found any of that out if I hadn't lost him. Because losing him (and a few other things that kicked my ass... deaths of people I loved and such) was one of the hardest things I ever survived. I don't think I have ever cried so hard as I did when I realized it was over. That it could never be like that again. That it was really, and truly done.

He is still around, by the way. He will never read this but others will read it and know who I was talking about so I am calling myself out in public big time here. *wiggles fingers at HC again*

But I am doing it to make a point.

Yes, my dearies, here comes MamaVirg's moral for the day...

You hear that saying all the time. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

And it sounds so damn trite. And if you are hurting, to be honest it doesn't make you feel one little bit better.

But it is true. I really wouldn't be who I am today if I had never loved like that. Just like I wouldn't be who I am if I hadn't lost like that. I could have a whole conversation just with my eyes with this man. He could turn me on with a glance. He could make me feel like no one else had before him.

Because he made me get past ME and go outside my comfort zone. When I said something stupid and talked out my ass, he knew when to shrug and not argue and let reality prove him right. And he made me learn to live without him. Again, get past what I thought I knew and see the world without the rosy glasses I like to wear.

I HAD to break to become whole. Too many pieces of me were broken when he was around for me to keep going the way I had been. I had to break to put the pieces back in an order that I could live with.

Sometimes losing someone is just as important as falling in love.

You won't find that between the covers of a romance novel. But I really think it is true. Sometimes you live your life happy the way you are even if the way you are is a little broken. A little askew. And it takes someone breaking that askew bit, and you resetting the bone, so to speak, for you to really heal.

Does that mean that I don't sometimes miss my friend... a lot?

Hell no. I am not some kind of superhero. No one is ever happy to lose a friend, especially one who really knows you, even the icky bits, and cares anyway.

But I can see that life had to work that way.

Fall in love whenever you can. And don't be afraid of falling out of it either. Because everything happens for a reason.

Even if you can't see the reason past the sheen of tears.

Okay, told you today was going to be deep and meaningful shit. *waggles brows* I called myself out on my own blog. But I hope you get the moral behind it. I know a few hearts out there are hurting... feeling alone and like the world will never again look right without that one that they loved.

This blog was for my broken hearted friends. You can go on. You will.

And it will all be for a reason.

Keep waking up in the morning. Keep healing. And always...

Believe in love.

On Love

Tina Gerow, multipublished author (who's website you can see here), posted on facebook this quote yesterday:

"You can't just stop Loving someone; either you Always will, or you Never did."

It got me thinking...

How many times in any given day do you say that you love something? I love chocolate. I love coffee. I love this snuggie.

How many people do you say it to?

I watched an awesome documentary called Pompeii:Back from the Dead last night on Netflix. There was one skeleton called The Green Woman. She was a pregnant member of the aristocracy and her skeleton had turned green in the remains of the dead city Pompeii. It seems that the vast amount of jewels that she felt the need to take with her into supposed safety had reacted in a chemical change and turned green.

Green like money. Green like the emerald bracelet that she clutched to her pregnant belly in her last moments of life.

Not a miniature portrait of someone she loved who wasn't with her. Jewels.

How often do we forget to say, "I love you," to the ones that matter?

How often do we know that we love someone more than breath and yet fear saying the words?

Be it for sake of shame or fear of rebuttal or any number of reasons, how often do we bite our tongue on the words that really matter and instead say useless things, collect useless things, treasure inanimate THINGS when the ones we love we fear making precious?

I try to tell all my kids at least a dozen times a day that I love them. The people that are dear to me, I clutch in terror. It seems, for me at least, that mortality has been an ever present shadow over the ones that I love and perhaps it is because I learned so early how fast and unexpected death can come to your door... to your home... and take away the ones you love that I am so aware that the end is close at all times.

I read a story on the news of a woman who lost both her parents and her children in a devastating fire on Christmas day. The article went on to talk about her success in business. Does that matter? Is it some comfort to her that her career will go on when so much has been swept away as quickly as one might clear a dry erase board?

Some people in my life probably think me strange. I know one of my exes received a call from me a few months ago on which I left a message telling him how he changed the course of my life... How his love for me made me stronger and better and without it, although it may be gone now, I would not have the strength to go after the things I dream of.

We are no longer together but he made an impact on my life.

How many would not have made that call, fearing the reaction?

I guess my point is that the Green Woman of Pompeii died in a room full of slaves, clutching jewels that did not save her. We clutch to our bosoms the things that we think will matter... But so often leave us empty and alone.

Be the one who is not afraid of love. Love is messy. Love hurts. But without it, we are nothing but bones left to be picked over.

And remember the quote..."You can't just stop Loving someone; either you Always will, or you Never did." Because if you really love, it doesn't go away like a lightswitch flicked to kill the lights. It burns. It stays alive in you. It may change forms but if it is real love... It will never end so long as there is a breath left in your body.

Which is, again, sometimes messy. Sometimes painful. But it is wonderful because real love makes you stronger.

Even when they aren't there anymore.

Okay, this was me going on one of my Virg rants and I am sorry. Tomorrow will be much more upbeat. Tomorrow, Megan Slayer will be visiting the blog and she will give us the low-down on reviews and a sneak peek into her recent release.

But for tonight... Hug someone just because you want to. Tell someone you love them just because you do.

For tonight, remember the lesson of the Green Woman.

Happy writing!

Cha-Cha-Cha-Cha Cha-a-anges...

I was thinking this morning about who I am today and how I got to this point. It is amazing, if you stop to think about it, how people can come into your life and change the entire fabric of who you are, what you want out of life, and how you go about finding it.

Not that they have the ability to change the core 'you,' so to speak but they change how you look at the world around you and go about getting what it is that you may not have realized you wanted.

I am not going to name names so if you were looking for some random episode of True Confessions, perhaps you should stop reading now. But there were two distinct people who have touched my life and helped me become the virg of today.

One was a man. Yeah. I don't use the word man loosely either. I don't know many 'men.' I remember that when this particular guy started hanging around, I wanted nothing to do with him. The timing was all wrong for a relationship and that seemed to be what he wanted from me. Also, he was NOT my type. At all. I mean... He was sort of a dork.

Perspective. That is another funny thing that can change. But I digress.

Anyway, what started out as something I didn't want ended up being a huge life-changing event for me. I learned how I wanted to be treated as a woman (I want to be friend, equal and partner and it really is possible to be all of that at once. I want to feel sexy and irresistible and be able to laugh with you. I want moments that take my breath away right alongside moments that I laugh so hard I can't breathe. ) and how I wanted to be looked at.

I also learned what it felt like to really lose someone you love. To have your heart break in your chest. But to have been loved well enough to have the strength to go on...
But with much higher expectations for the future. Never again would I settle for someone who 'looked' good enough to date. Never again would I settle for someone who 'kind of' got me.

Never again would I fall for a line of bullshit from a man. I had heard one actually tell me the truth... and I knew what it sounded like now.

So although that little relationship didn't work out (Obviously... I am single.) it changed my view on men and of myself. If I deserved to be loved like that once, I deserved it again. And if I couldn't be loved like that, I didn't want any love at all. It upped my standards. I wanted more, now. So without that relationship fail, I would have settled for shit my whole life and never known I was missing out. So even failure can be a victory of sorts.

The other really life changing event was a friend. I guess I never really saw myself as particularly strong or independent. I always had said I was, before her, but I was afraid to really be either of those things. I let people control me and figured it was better, safer, to be loved even if loved meant being controlled.

I didn't really get, before her friendship came along, that love didn't mean control. Love meant leaving someone to make their mistakes and being willing to pick them up if they fell. Not making decisions for them so they never fell. Falling is learning. Falling is part of LIVING. I was kind of afraid to live before I met her. Afraid to fail.

Then I met her and she was brave and sometimes bitchy and bossy... and I realized it was because she knew that even if she fell, she had people around her that loved her enough to catch her when she fell. I totally didn't have that.

Now I surround myself with these 'safety net' kind of people. And I keep away from those that would control me. Because I can see them now. I couldn't before her. And I try new things everyday. And I am not scared. (Okay, the strokes probably helped her influence a little... Hard to be a chicken shit when you don't know what tomorrow will hold.)

But I guess the point of this whole rant is that people come into your life and leave sticky little bits of themselves, their souls, with you. Even if they are gone. Some of these people make you weaker and damage you because the bits they leave behind are sharp and jagged and tear at who you are. Others leave bits that change your whole outlook on the world... Sort of like glasses for the eyes of the soul.

I would not be the writer I am today if I didn't have them in my life. I wouldn't be able to love as much as I can without them. I feel they made me a better mother, friend and all around human being.

If I had the words to thank these two people, I would embarrass them both horribly and thank them. Probably with tears in my eyes.

The best I have is to say thank you. Thank you for helping me see the world in another way.

Neither of them read my blog that I know of. So probably neither of them will ever know that I feel this way.

But it doesn't change the fact that they save me, just a little, everyday. And for that, I love them.

And I probably always will.

Dark, Damaged and Clingy

I just read a book that featured the kind of hero that leaves a reader a little bit in love and swooning... But in reality would drive a girl mad.

You know the type. Think John Cusack (no, really, think about him. purrrr) in Serendipity. Blindly and completely devoted to that one girl.

And you know you want to be that girl.

There are billions of books, movies and songs about that guy. Sometimes he is dark and broody and needs to be saved and only the heroine really sees him. Sometimes he is aloof and arrogant but under it all he is as soft and squashy as a bunny rabbit.

And I have fallen in love with this guy in fiction over and over again. Probably every girl has at some point.

I have also fallen for him in reality and the real thing... well, it ain't all it was cracked up to be on paper.

Dark, damaged and broody with single-minded dedication to you can also translate, in reality, to baggage, obsessive, and clingy. You will note that these three words are seldom used to describe this character in the movie or book forms... Because then women would have the good sense to be bloody creeped out. And I might also add, while I am splashing around in the cold water that so often is reality, that whiny tends to go hand in hand with clingy.

Think of the stalker song, "Every Breath You Take" by the brilliant bard Sting.

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take. I'll be watching you.

Okay, that is scary. Yet hot. Why? I don't freaking know.

In Odd Stuff, my paranormal series, I had a hero that was all dark and creepy and devoted... and I had a complete asshole. I mean, this jerk guy would come in, call things like they were, annoy the hell out of the lead character and then pop out again when it suited him.

He also, coincidentally, saw her for who she was, not some glossed over image of what he wished she was or who she could be.

In the end, I wrote her into the arms of the man who really saw her rather than the one who was darkly broody, came with a ton of baggage and would have stayed devoted to her for all time. I wrote her into love with the man who would never just do something because it was easier or because he knew it wouldn't make waves--Instead, this guy would go toe to toe with her and tell her what he thought regardless of the shitstorm that she would no doubt rain down upon him.

Because that is somehow hotter even than the dark and broody guy.

Now, not to say that I don't still fall for the bruised guy who needs to be saved... Just that with age, I want a little something more. And I think a lot of readers do. The book I just read left me in tears and a little in love with the hero... but in reality, I must admit I would have backpedaled like hell away from him.

So I thought I would point out--and understand this is strictly my opinion as a reader and author--that probably more women would fall equally hard if given a suitable hero. One who would make her pulse race AND her brain agree. What is wrong with a little logic in our love stories?

And remember... "Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'"--Erich Fromm

Oh... and enjoy John up there. I know I am.