Funny Things Kids Say - Thanksgiving 2012 Edition

Doing a fact check with the kids, because someone on facebook didn't want Lincoln spoiled for them (No spoilers, because...well, they wanted to be surprised by the ending...) we got into another one of our funny things kids say conversations.

When I asked my daughter who won the Revolutionary War, her answer was, "Who was that one between again?"

*headdesk*

Well, who won the civil war?  Other daughter answered...
"The bluecoats!"  Who were? "Um...the Americans?"

Apparently we've a bit of history to work on with the kids. It seems to take awhile for it to stick...
Why do we celebrate Thanksgiving?

"The pilgrams celebrated finding the new world!"
So they just got to the new world and threw a party?
"After a long journey and cold harsh winters that killed a bunch of people, they met Indians who taught them how to hunt, grow food and survive.  They were so thankful for this, they tried to convert the Indians to Christianity and built a villiage and were thankful so they threw a feast.
Me- Christianity?
Ash-Yeah, they wanted them to believe in one god rather than thousands of gods because it's less confusing to have just one so the Indians killed that guy with a poisoned arrow.
Me- What guy?
Ash- I read it in Social Studies weekly.  I don't remember what guy, but he made them mad. Drake!  Drake the Savage Sea Dog!  He was told to plunder places by Queen Elizabeth so he tried to get them to switch to Christianity so they killed them.

Dad- I don't think Sir Frances Drake had a thing to do with Thanksgiving.

Shell- Pumpkin pies and poison darts...

Dad- What was Sir Frances Drake the first Englishman to do?
Ash- Circumnavigate the world.
Dad- Forget all the poison darts stuff and remember that.

Dad... but what is circumnavigate?  Is it the same thing as circumcise?
Ash- No. 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

The smell of DaFeet

I love baby feet. They are so tiny and super soft.

My youngest son currently has feet you can literally smell from across the room.

I did say that I loved baby feet.

I brought up the subject of feet because I got a rejection yesterday.

I had such mixed feelings about this particular rejection, it triggered a blog. And spaghetti sauce. Lemme start at the beginning.

I have four contracts right now. Four. Not shabby for an author who, on December first, found out her publisher was closing it's doors and that in this case, loyalty equaled putting all my eggs in one basket... and my basket had just broken.

I am also an editor and a reviewer. And a full time college student. And a single mom of three kiddos, two of which go to a charter school at home.

To say that things have been hectic this January would be a bit like walking outside during a blizzard and saying, "Hmm... Look, there is a snowflake."

So seeing the letter regarding a synopsis that I had sent out on a book that I am nearly done writing (Read: Have not finished writing not to mention polished as much as I personally prefer before my work sees daylight so gaaah!!), I said out loud, "Shit!"

If they had accepted it, then I had to finish it up fast and shove it out the door, polish be damned.

And then I read the email. They had (very nicely, I might add, in a really thoughtful manner) rejected it. And I said, "Thank God."

And then the usual mess of authoremotions kicked in. "Why did they reject me? Maybe I am not good enough. Gah, I suck. They knew it. I know it. Hells, it is for the best. At least my massive suckitude won't be released on the public for them to tear me to shreds as I so deserve..."

Yeah. I mentioned it was sort of a mixed bag of emotions? It was. Really.

So I plodded out to the kitchen, still in my jammies, and made spaghetti sauce.

I am Italian and my grandfather, Guisseppe Sabatina, came over from Italy (or so my mother has told me) and married his little Dutch girl. My mother put red sauce on everything. There was something soothing about the familiarity of the gestures-- frying the meat, adding the spices... tasting the sauce.

And I called my best friend. She pointed out that our motto is that everything happens for a reason. My plate right now is filled to overflowing and I have other projects I have to work on. Deadlines I have to meet. More time to work on this one was a blessing, not a bad thing.

Between the smell of the sauce and the sound of her voice and it was like the miasma of mixed up feelings lifted.

The smell of dafeet wasn't too much to bear. It wasn't a defeat, not really. To quote Damon, from Vampire Diaries, "It is right. It's just not right now."

Why am I telling you guys all this?

I know you all get rejected, too. And I know it sucks. This wasn't my first rejection--far, far, far from it. And it is easy to say don't take them personally. Don't take bad reviews personally. Just keep going.

But if you are having a bad day or whatever... and it happens... it isn't easy to shake off.

Not for anyone.

Find the thing that helps you find your center.

Make the spaghetti sauce. Or play basketball. Or a video game. Or have sex. Whatever trips your trigger.

And then look at it again.

Because then you can keep going.

Okay, Happy writing!

Funny Things Kids Say- Christmas Edition

Snow is falling with a gentle pitter patter outside that sounds like the whole world is saying, "Hush!" Even me, who has a very strong love-hate relationship with the white stuff, can't help but see it and think of Christmas.

Not that I have gotten any of my decorations up yet. This is the oddball year all around. Where usually my decorations go up the day after Halloween, this year I told the kids we were cleaning the attic first...

So it is the day before December hits and still no tree.

But this hasn't stopped the kids from getting in the spirit of things. They made letters to Santa last night.

Previous years have gotten me some memorable letters to the fat red home invader. For instance, David one year asked Santa to help his grandpa walk again (the year my dad had his stroke) and last year David asked for cornbread. After opening an amazing amount of presents (including things like a telescope...) David still looked sort of sad and lost. I asked him what was wrong.

"Santa forgot the cornbread."

So I know when the letters come out that I am in for a giggle.

This year, JFAB asked Santa to send one of his evil elves (Who knew he had evil elves?) to come down and take care of the dog that keeps crapping on her bike. Y'see, as she explained to the man in red, she knows it isn't her dog doing it. The crap is the wrong size.

(She also asked for a new house for her mom because her mom needed a study and an ipad. Smart kiddo, that one.)

Justice asked for a spiked leather collar, a flaming skull hoodie and a skirt with skulls on it. The scary child doesn't fall far from the scary tree?

Ash wrote this:

Dear Santa,
Can you please get me some stuff please? You do not have to but it would be really nice if you did. Here is a list if you would like to/
1. Lego's (any kind but I suggest the big stuff)
2. Amazon Kindle (Note from mom: Yes, he wrote Amazon. Smart shoppers, my kids)
3. PSP
4. PSP games
5. Sonic Screwdriver
6. Webkinz
7. Diary of a Wimpy Kid books (Look at my shelves and not those ones.)
8. Lego Dr. Who Tardis
9. Phineas and Ferb Soundtrack and Movie
10. Acen Figures (Mom translation: Action figures)
Thank you, your friend and believer
Ashton
(And then he drew a cartoon at the bottom with Santa, a tree and Santa is telling the kids to have a good day. Less disturbing than JFAB's sunbathing hairy Santa on vacation after Christmas...)

David cracked me up, as usual.
David's Christmas List (This was the header on the page)
1. Amazon Kindle
2. Slappy (mom note: this is a ventriloquist dummy from Goosebumps books)
3. Sonic screwdriver (11th Doctor)
4. Legos (any)
5. Comic books (any Marvel)
6. Walking Dead comics
7. Diary of a Wimpy Kid (last straw)
8. Freddy Kruger Figure
9. Origami book
10. Scary books on Kindle (Stephen King)
11. Bakugon
Merry Christmas Santa. Tell the elves hi and say hi to the halflings if they exist. Have a nice day and don't hurt yourself on the way down.
Sincerely,
David
P.S. Please send a letter back explaining how you go down the chimney please!!!
(Below all this there is a cartoon with an elf yelling ABORT ABORT!! We got A WAKER!! and a child with eyes literally popping from his head screaming AHHHH THERE IS A MAN IN MY CHIMNEY!! while Santa's butt is sticking out of a chimney with the words HO HO HO floating down in a cartoon bubble. The whole scene is made merry with a tree topped with a star.)

All in all... I love kids and Christmas.
Happy Holidays all. And may your kids amuse you as much as mine do me.