Driven

Eyeballs burning.

Brain leaking in a gelatinous ooze out my ears.

Fingers itching to tap on the keyboard but the tips are slightly numb.

Ah. The smell of procrastination mixed with National Novel Writing Month. Yes, this year I decided to participate in NaNoWriMo for the first time and it has been fun. Although I know I blast out a very nice number of words in a day when I sit down to write and although I know I can write a book in a short period of time, I had never sat down and tried to see how many precisely I write or could I write a given number if there was a goal looming over my head.

And I think it felt like homework.

I remember homework. It was that stuff I stalled doing until the deadline because-- pshaw-- I could blast through it in no time so why bother stressing over it now? I could do it later... and later.

And NaNoWriMo became that for me. If I missed one day, no big. I could write 2k tomorrow and play catch up. A couple days... yeah, well one 7k day and I am back, baby.

The flaw was that if you spend big portions of the month skipping around like that, you inevitably get behind. And now deadline looms. And I feel dumb. I look at my bar graph on the Nano site and wonder why there are so many days that flatline. It wasn't like I couldn't have written SOMETHING those days. Normally I would have had to write. Actually, I did write most of those days...

On non NaNo work so that it did not 'count' because I am only counting my words written on Odd Fate. Procrastination. I procrastinated and wrote other things so that the deadline would loom closer.

So tonight I was left blasting out a monumental... how many did I write?

Hang on.

7108words.

And that was a mix of a half an hour today and from 5pm on tonight.

Brain in a puddle. Probably all crap. Will have to reread tomorrow to see what I did because if I do tonight I will trim the good with the fat.

And then tomorrow after I clean that I need to blast out one final day of at least 3042 words to get my 50k for nano.

*rubs hand over face*

So if I can do that, why on earth am I doing it now rather than spreading it over a month?

Masochism. Sheer masochism. I am a sick, sick puppy.

And the worst part? Odd Fate is a 90k book or thereabouts. Once I finish Nano... so not done with the book... Nano will end with me mid climax.

And I can't not write once I am mid climax. Musey will allow some slacking. She will let me take days off if I allow her days where I sit and do nothing but blast out story. But once I get to climax the story rides me and I just hang on and try to tug the bit every now and again if the story gets too out of line.

I no longer will have the reins. So I will be thinking and dreaming and eating Odd Fate by the time this week is over....

Wait? It is Friday?

Something about shopping?

Huh.

Hey... yeah. I should put up a tree, too. *scratches head* Can't we just pencil one into Chapter seventeen????