Saturday, February 18, 2012
I have had a terrible week. I have been sick and stuck in my emotional dark place. I even made the grand mistake of taking a peek into my 'secret room' (borrowed from the Fabulous Lorraine's blog on 1/29 as it is a perfect term) at all my own personal demons roiling in silent screams. Spice on the emotional-train-wreck-pie was that this week is the anniversary of some really important people dying. So grief has been heavy as well, laden with memories and should-have-beens.
To top things off, I have been using my sword more frequently this week. Battles with my kids schools, battles with author friends, battles with people from my past, and finally today a battle with my best friend, who is one of the most important people in the world to me.
When I emailed one of my dear friends and told her I feel trapped in my dark place and that the world was a weight that was crushing my chest this week...
I wasn't kidding.
But I am a firm believer that there is balance in this universe.
I got an email a little while ago which lifted my heart a little. A dear friend, who has been going through some craptastic stuff of late, is in love. And the email was full of all the dewy happiness that 'in love' is supposed to mean.
And I smiled. Really smiled, from the bottom of my soul smiling.
Maybe it doesn't make all the other feelings I have had this week better but it does remind me that even when I am trapped in the darkness, smothering in a thousand ugly emotions, others are finding happiness. Others, who really deserve it, are finding peace and comfort and that thrilling blend of emotions that only happens when you fall head over heels heedlessly in love.
And other great things are happening. And my time will come, too. Because there is balance in the universe.
And if me having one hellish week balances out even one moment of her happiness, then I am glad this week has sucked for me.
Okay, back to revel in the darkness. Like fevers, dark places in your soul get worse at night. And I have some demons to fight... *brandishes sword*
By the way, the image above is called Beauty in a Dark Place. I thought it was fitting. You can find the original here.