Showing posts with label snark. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snark. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

New Release!!

Happy Book Birthday to me!! I'm so excited to share this story with you. I fell madly in love with the prickly Radcliffe and I sincerely hope readers do too!

To celebrate, I'll give you guys a special excerpt below--just for you! :)

Now available for preorder, August 5th release!


Amazon http://www.amazon.com/While-Were-Writing-Watkins-Pond-ebook/dp/B00KE1EBZK

B&N http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/while-you-were-writing-virginia-nelson/1119568987?ean=9781619222335

Samhain Publishing http://store.samhainpublishing.com/while-were-writing-p-73515.html

Kobo http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/while-you-were-writing

Add it on Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22173466-while-you-were-writing




Bestselling author and infamous town hermit Radcliffe McQueen knows what he likes, what he doesn’t, and refuses to pretend social niceties. Particularly with a red-hot mess of a woman who’s taken it upon herself to smooth his rough edges. 

She thinks she can change him? Bring it. He’s more than willing to teach her the wisdom of doing things his way. Besides, it’ll distract him from the horror of facing a blank page.

Stodgy. Stubborn. Sanctimonious. Sheri Riddle can think of a long list of adjectives to describe her newest project. An artist by trade, a personality renovator by calling, she’s sure she can transform the blockheaded author into a reasonably personable human being.

Yet as they lock horns, each scrapes away layers of the other until something happens that’s quite outside of Sheri’s plans. Something that’ll take more than one taste of passion to satisfy…


Warning: Contains a temperamental author, a moody artist, a sexy assistant and a hoarder house. Did we mention rabid squirrels? Yeah, one of those too.

Facebook party! Happening now! Join the event and you might win prizes, can play games and get to chat with a bunch of really great authors, not to mention some surprise giveaways from me including wearable antique art! Local Etsy shop, Suite 22 found a bunch of antique keys (just like Radcliffe uses in the story) and local artist, Niki Falgiani turned them into lovely, one of a kind necklaces. Also, look for amazon giftcards and more...lots of giveaways, lots of authors, lots of fun. Join the fb party event here...
 
Blog Only ADULT (18+) Excerpt!!

“Put. The. Painting. Back.” The long pauses between the words left her gnawing her lip. Perhaps this was a case of retreat being the better part of valor, but she didn’t want to retreat, not when she was sure she stood in the right. Besides, he hadn’t moved. He simply blocked the door. She wasn’t getting any sleep anyway, so a standoff wasn’t exactly using up quality time she’d better spend doing anything else—nothing she’d paint in her current state of mind would be worth a damn. Also, the shirtless view of him, leaning like a model in just jeans posed in a book, flat out did it for her. 

Her nipples hardened and she held the art a bit closer, hiding her chest. “No.” 

He sighed. “Your choice.” 

She squeaked when he blasted into motion, practically launching himself off the door toward her. A giggle choked in her throat as she dodged toward his desk and found herself trapped. She feinted left and he tracked the motion, blocking her. She moved left and he again positioned himself so she couldn’t pass. With a deep breath, she decided to bum rush him, hoping he’d avoid her crashing into him and move at the last second. 

He didn’t and her size wasn’t enough to blast past him. She apparently was enough to move him though, or caught him by surprise because it knocked him off balance—she dropped the painting as the breath rushed out of her—and he tumbled them both to the floor, spinning at the last second so she landed splayed across his chest. 

Too similar to their encounter outside and with less clothes, she scrambled to escape and snag the painting and only managed to get further tangled in his limbs. When his chuckle rumbled up out of his chest, shaking her in her precarious position on top of him, she smacked him again. 

“You’ve really got to stop whacking me.” Using one hand to hold her, he covered his eyes with the other. 

The tiredness in his face, marked by the dark circles under his eyes, showed he’d been missing sleep lately too, which gave her unreasonable pleasure. “Or what?” She repeated his earlier childish question, but this time he was close enough to respond. 

Which he did by rolling them over so he loomed above her, pinning her with his size and the sheer sexual heat of himself. “Or I’ll retaliate.” Her snort sounded loud in a room only filled with both their racing breaths. “You won’t hit me.”

The feral grin that twisted his features sent shivers racing across her skin. She became aware the T-shirt had ridden up and that it rested around her waist, baring her lacy panties to his view, and that her unfettered breasts heaved as she panted. His eyes tracked over her, the expression on his face only growing more dangerous by the second. By the time his gaze met hers, heat flooded her body and she longed to arch into him or grab his face for another of those soul-shattering kisses. “Oh, Sheri, darling…I can think of far more interesting ways to torture you than hitting you.” 

She should have stopped him then, knowing he would kiss her. The slow movement of him bending toward her, push-up style, could be avoided simply by spider crawling from beneath him. Instead, she surprised herself and slid her fingertips into his hair to draw him closer. “Bring it."

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Coming Soon...Sugar On Top!!

My dear friend, Kristen, sent me info about this dating website...

And, although I think it might have been a hint to start getting myself out there a bit (maybe find a date that wasn't with imaginary people?) it inspired a story idea that I had such a blast writing. It was sexy. It was fun. I just LIKED the characters and wish they would have hung out with me longer.

I could have sent it off to a publisher...

But I didn't want these two to change. I liked them too much and I think you guys might like them, too.  Plus, look at this cover! So, coming soon...

Sugar On Top

Some people have got to get real…

Lydia Tompkins isn’t looking for love.  She’s annoyed.  A dating site devoted to matching up gold diggers with men willing to pay for their time?  Thinking she can add a dash of reality to their pipe dreams of Stepford wives, she uploads her picture and a piece of her mind and never expects any serious responses.

Some people even want to…

Chandler Hawk remembers a time before the wealth.  Finding the most appalling dating site he’s ever heard of while surfing the net, he clicks on it and finds the most real woman he’s seen in a long time. 

The sugar daddy meets a woman who doesn’t need a man to take care of her and sparks fly.  Will they find a happily ever after, with Sugar on Top?

Friday, November 16, 2012

Sneak Peek--The Were, The Witch and The Baby

I haven't given you guys an excerpt in awhile.  Here's a little peek into The Were, The Witch and The Baby, my coming soon Paranormal Romance!!

Blurb:

He was an animal in the sack…

Lyric McAvoy never expected that her one night stand with the irresistible Colin would result in a child.  When it does, she agrees to stay with him to hide from the repercussions that family and friends are sure to rain down on her.  But staying with him only reminds her of the desire he awakened with just a touch on the dance floor.

She cast a spell on his senses…

Colin, packleader of the local werewolves, knows to trust his senses and thinks he is above attachment to any one woman.  But when Lyric sweeps into his life, she makes him suddenly hungry to possess her.  Her claim to be carrying his child, though it seems impossible, makes him determined to protect her and the baby.

But war is breaking out in the paranormal world…

Life as they knew it is imploding around them and someone is trying to turn the previously peaceful inhabitants of the paranormal world into pawns in a deadly battle.  With secrets between them, keeping them apart, the two battle a raging passion while trying to figure out who is killing their people. 

The Were, The Witch and the Baby

In a world where the things that go bump in the night are real, sometimes the scariest thing is parenthood.

Excerpt:

“I’m not sure about this.”  Colin shifted uncomfortably in the leaf printed chair.

Lyric wasn’t either.  Visiting an entirely human doctor was a little out of her comfort zone but if that was what it took to prove to the human this was really happening, she had her big witch panties on and was ready to go.

“It will be fine.”  Patting his leg, she realized she treated him a bit like a nervous puppy and bit her lip to hold back hysterical laughter.

“I mean, what do they even do at these appointments?”

Lyric was pretty sure it was the same route as the Coven doctors but humans never ceased to amuse her so, who knew?  The waiting room, all sterile and full of pictures of women cut in half, vital organs listed like band names for a concert poster, were disturbing.  As was the idea the baby was going to squash her kidney into a pea-sized blob by the end of her pregnancy…

“Lyric McAvoy?” A woman in a lab coat printed with SpongeBob and Patrick peeked out from a door at them.  This was an OBGYN office.  Who was she trying to calm with the funky coat?

It wasn’t reassuring in the least for Lyric to follow a medical professional plastered in cartoon characters.

Colin grabbed her hand.  She wasn’t sure if the move was supposed to reassure her or him.

In the waiting room, the suddenly efficient SpongeBob nurse grabbed a wipe, cleaned the table and then pulled a sheet of white paper over it.  There were scary looking metal devices at the end of the table and Lyric suddenly wished she was seeing a Coven doctor.  What the hell were the metal things for?

Grabbing another sheet of paper, SpongeBob nurse passed it to Lyric.  “Strip down to bra only and put this on.  The doctor will be in momentarily.”

Holding the paper, Lyric pondered what exactly it was supposed to be for.  It wasn’t like it would hide her nudity any.  Pretended composure?

“Why do you have to strip?” Colin asked as the door closed behind the nurse.

She didn’t know.  Since human doctors were a mystery to her, it sucked that he didn’t know either.

“Turn your back,” she commanded.

“I’ve seen it before…or we wouldn’t be in this room.”
Happy writing!!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

List inspiring ads...AKA Break up lines and come backs


Amusing Facebook ad of the day:
Read a mans mind... click here!

A. Why do you think that ad is something I would be interested in, Facebook? What choices have I made in the past to lead you to give me that ad?

B. How hard can it be to read a straight mans mind? Bacon-good. Breasts-good. The question, "What are you thinking?" Bad.

See? I am well on my way to manly mind-reading, no clicking required.

C. No, that wasn't sexist. I can do straight woman as well. Chocolate-good. Sleep-good. Thor's 3d nipples-good. "I think we should talk..." Bad

Which all got me to thinking... I haven't done a list in awhile.

So, here is a list of the things no one wants to hear, regardless of their sexual preference.

(Insert drumroll...)

5. It isn't you, it's me.

This is the line of douchebaggery that is only given when the person saying it doesn't even care enough to give you the actual reason they are not interested. Basically, what they are really saying is, "I can't even come up with one reason...there are so many!" Or maybe they are saying, "If I tell you why, you will try to fix it. And I don't want that." But instead of being honest and saying either of those things so you can correct whatever they think you did in future relationships with less douchey people, they give you the generic you/me speech.

Great responses to this line:

1. You're right. It is. You suck.
2. Which part of you? I do have a list of your flaws so if you could pick the ones that we're talking about, I could agree with you.
3. Well, of course it isn't me.

4. I think we need some time apart.

What they are really saying is, "I want to bang someone else." Or maybe, "I am banging someone else." And they are also saying, "But I want you as a spare tire just in case it doesn't work.

Great responses to this line:
1. Yup. Like forever.
2. I always thought your brother/sister was hotter anyway.
3. What is his/her name?

3. I think we should talk...

If you catch this one before they can finish the sentence, it is awesome. Because, yeah, what they are saying is, "I am about to try to let you down gently."

Great responses to this line:
1. Nothing. Walk away
2. We don't have to. Let me grab your XBox for you.

2. Do you really see this working x years in the future?

What they are really saying is, "I don't see this working. So if you do, lemme know how."

Great responses to this line:
1. Nope. But I was trying to settle for less than I am worth.
2. I honestly believe that the world is going to end in October. So... uh, we are probably good for about that long, right?
3. Nah, but you are pretty good in the sack.

1. I hope that we can stay friends.

What they are really saying is, "I really hope that you will stay my spare tire. I mean, there may be a dry spell in the future and, in that case, I wouldn't mind trying this again... you know, until I find the Right One. Because I know you aren't it but I am sure we could string this out for the next decade or ten, right?

Great responses to this line:
1. If it is over, it's over, cupcake.
2. I enjoy stabbing myself with sporks... staying friends with you and loving you while you go on with your life sounds equally painful. Let's do it!
3. I have lots of friends. None of them have shagged me and left me. So, uh, pass. But thanks.