Tuesday, December 3, 2013

If I lick it, it's mine and other relationship lies...

Sometimes, people think they see signs that aren't there. The movie, He's Just Not that into You covered a lot of this, but I figured I'd dispel more relationship rumors on the blog today, since I've been doing much book promo and not much Virg-ing over here lately.

So...time for a Li-I-I-I-I-I-st!!
He/She rocks me like a hurricane.
5. If I lick it, it's mine.

Sex isn't a relationship. Sex is sex. I remember being young and being confused about this one--it seems if you share intimate moments with someone (he's holding my hand! He must like me!) that there's something more than friendship there.

There isn't always. It's not kindergarten. If you lick it, it's still not always yours.

4. If everyone wants it, it's a good thing!

Not always. Sometimes, it's just shiny and no one else realizes how big of a disaster it is. Look for warning signs. If a person, for instance, says they're devoted to their child and blah blah blah, they can't see it any more and miss it terribly...ask how old the kid is. If the person then stops, scratches their chin and answers with a verbal question mark (Seven, I think?), they're full of poopie and there's a reason the shiny is single. If everyone wants it, this only means the package is pretty. There might be a whole box full of crazy under the wrapping paper.

3. It's in his/her kiss!

So, there's this myth that if someone kisses you and bells and whistles and fireworks go off, it means that this person is The One and meant for you forever.

Honey. This only means that you're chemically or pheremonally or whatever compatible. It's called lust and it's fun. However, it's not always the cocktail that brews up a great forever. Sometimes that spark is just that--a spark--and sparks fizzle. Sorry.

2. He/She wouldn't keep coming back if they didn't care!

Well, they might be just bored. Or lonely. Or have no one else willing to answer the phone at eleven pm. Again, not the marker you're thinking it is. Ask them to hang out at three pm on a Tuesday. Are they busy/not interested? Ask them to go to a movie. Ask them to go hang out at the mall. Busy?

Ride off into the sunset on your terms.
You're that person that they call when they're totally bored. This is not an earmarker of forever and ever happily together. You're their backup plan/spare tire/sure thing.

1. But when they look at me, I feel wonderful!

And you are wonderful. But don't give any human being ever that power. Be strong. You don't need them to let you know how fantastic you are.  I'll tell you. You're absolutely fantastic. Now, hang up the phone and go do something fun for you.

Mama Virg loves you.

Happy Writing!


  1. I had always heard "Marry your best friend" and had more added to it in my adult years. "Marry your best friend. Make sure they are someone you enjoy doing things with or doing nothing with. Because the fireworks will fade...The excitement will wax and wane. The Lust/passion/desire will come and go(especially after you have kids and lose mass amounts of sleep)Life will beat at you like a tidal wave and try to suck you under and apart. During these times you need a best friend to stand with you and love you regardless."
    And so,I did.
    (Although I do occasionally lick him and declare that he's mine. ;) )
    and he does try to make me feel wonderful but, I'll admit that my bed staring at me as I nose dive into my pillows makes me feel really wonderful. *Snicker*

    Some very good advice Mama Virgie.

  2. I married my best friend, the man I was totally in love with. Sadly, as it turned out, he wasn't nearly as in love with me, and went off to 'enjoy his life'. My best advice would be 'be happy with yourself. Don't depend on another person to make you happy. If you do find someone - well, that's just gravy.'

    And all the advice here is sound. Sometimes people just use other people because they can.

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