Final

Since I am going to college...

I am taking my last final tomorrow.

Finals. It sounds so... final.

Which of course, got me to thinking. I am in the final days of the year when my baby, my first baby, is fourteen. It seems like hardly a heartbeat ago, they handed me this perfect little bundle, all sweet and pink with the most beautiful cupids bow lips...

And she is going to be fifteen.

Final.

And about a minute later, I was gifted with my first son. I can't say sweet things about how he looked when he was born... He was blue from being stuck for an hour and covered in ick. I am still not sure how Princess came out looking so perfect and my boys... Gorefests.

Speaking of boys... The baby, my sweet tiny youngest... We are in the final days of him being a decade old. In about a minute, he will be eleven and-tear-not much of a baby anymore.

Final.

I am kind of glad that school is letting out for a break. I think I may take some quality NONTECH related time and just enjoy these final moments of 2011. Right now they are all in their beds, fast asleep, having no clue that I am creeping in their rooms to watch them and know they are safe.

And all the while knowing that soon, I won't have that solace. Soon they will be off having lives and I won't know where they lay down to rest or if they are safe and warm...

Final.

Sometimes I think the scariest thing about being a mom is knowing that you try so hard to protect them from the world but it is right there...

Waiting.

And one day, you can't protect them anymore.

And you have to hope that what you did was the right thing and that they will be okay.

Sorry, it is late. I am having one of those soggy moments when you look at something so precious to you and know that you only have this moment to cherish...

And it doesn't feel like enough.

I am pretty sure everyone has those nights.