Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Unrealistic expec-taaaaahh-shuns!

The actress who plays Sookie is beautiful. I think most women would agree that Erik is loooovely.

But the real Sookie (if you can call a literary character that) had a compact little body because of all the work she did on her farm. This Sookie doesn't seem over worried about working. Other than tending bar at Merlotte's, I actually don't think this character does much muscle building work.

And she sure isn't hanging out at the gym.

Based on this show, I should be one heck of a babe, myself. But real muscles, like the ones on these actors, are built either by working out, for hours daily, at either a gym or in hard labor.

This is yet another case of unrealistic expectations.

I think my woman readers would agree that this facebook post this morning describes a pretty good guy to have around:
I want a guy who calls me beautiful instead of hot, admits when he's wrong, stays awake to watch me sleep & listens for my heartbeat. I want a man who kisses my forehead, shows me off when I'm in sweats, holds hands in front of his friends. I want a man who KNOWS I'm pretty without makeup & constantly reminds me how much he cares & how lucky he is to have me. The ONE who turns to his friends & says,THAT'S HER.

And I think male readers would like this one I came up with for women (nope, neither are all inclusive...):

I want a woman who calls me a dirty, sexy man instead of beautiful, admits when she's wrong, stays awake to bake me pie & listens to me talk (cars, sports, some other testosterone filled activity) while knowing when to shut up and let me think. I want a woman who rubs my back, shows me off when I'm in sweats, holds her tongue around my friends. I want a woman who KNOWS I'm sexy without sticking me in a monkey suit & constantly reminds me how much she cares & how lucky she is to have me while knowing that if she asks me for something or tells me something is bothering her, I am gonna try to fix it. If she just wants to vent, she calls one of her girlfriends, not me, because she understands I will try to fix it if she tells me. Speaking of girlfriends, she lets me have my man time and she has her girl time and knows that helps us both. The ONE who turns to her friends & says,THAT'S Him and smiles that special little smile...
Now, if that is what we are both looking for, why do we so seldom find it?

When I write romance, I like to write a more realistic view. No one lives happily ever after because they got laid and it was awesome. It doesn't magically fix the relationship as it is so often presented to us (as a matter of fact, for an awesome book that has two people who fall in love and into the sack but it doesn't magically wipe away their problems... they are still left to solve them... check out Kristan Higgins, My One and Only which you can find here). I like the characters who are drawn to each other because of sexual tension but who actually have to like each other and get past some stuff to find their happily ever afters.

So, basically, my point was it is often our own unrealistic expectations or what we perceive the other person to be (or what we want them to be) that is the downfall of most of our dream lovers. If we instead took a more valid view... if we knew he was going to leave his socks scattered around like some sick and smelly confetti and that he wasn't going to want to talk about his feelings and conversely if he understood that some days she is just going to be irrationally emotional and when she is, clearing the decks or just giving her a hug is going to be all that he can do until she stops... we would be far more likely to find that happily ever after in reality.

Rant over. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming... or look at Erik. Cuz he is nice to look at. *sigh*


  1. AMEN,sister! What we want and what we get are often at different ends of the spectrum. I was lucky. I got what I wanted. Unfortunately, there were also a few bad qualities that came with the 6 ft., green-eyed man. Luckily, there's nothing that can't be overlooked.
    I love this blog! Saving to show hubby when he gets home from school:)