Top Five Beta Heroes (in Movies) - #Countdown to Odd Wolf #UnderAWolfMoon

Odd Wolf, my story in the Under A Wolf Moon box set (RELEASING TOMORROW!! *throws confetti*) has a beta hero. When I asked folks on facebook during a recent party if they liked beta heroes, the answer was almost a unanimous NO. Folks wanted the Alpha guys. Me? I've always had a soft spot for the Dan Connors of this world. I like beta heroes...but then again, I like the alpha women.

Beta Heroes are defined as, "...romances (with) kinder, gentler heroes, the kind of men who will change your flat tire, open doors for you, help your kid with his homework, and bring you soup when you are sick. They are the antithesis of the testosterone-filled chest beaters found in the earlier bodice-ripper romances. These are the guys we all want to find in real life." - All About Romance Novels

Beta Heroes are in a TON of movies, but here are some of my top five all-all time favorite movie star beta men. (I have a longer list than this...apparently I really have a thing for these guys.)

Top Five Movie Beta Heroes

5. Hugh Grant as William Thacker in Notting Hill (1999)

In this movie, Julia Roberts plays a character very close to her reality--a super star, famous in tabloids and for her work as an actress, but lonely because who dares catch the tail of a star? She bumps repeatedly into the quiet Brit, William Thacker played by Hugh Grant, who is a bit nerdy, awkward, bookish and otherwise completely wrong for her world. Through a series of misadventures, they share a moment in a garden on a bench dedicated to a long dead woman who loved the garden...and the man who liked to sit with her. Grant plays a wonderful beta, never trying to dominate Roberts, but somehow becoming the one man who really gets her. Although an older movie, this one has a classic theme which will likely prove timeless and the cast of secondary characters ALMOST distracts from the clever love story...almost.


4. Scott Cohan as Wolf in The 10th Kingdom (2000)

Maybe I love this movie because the heroine is named Virginia, maybe I love it because I've always love a fairytale that twists in the real world...maybe I love it because Wolf is irresistible. Cohan plays a wolf far more canine than most modern writers depict wolves, but it works. It so works. He falls in love with his Virginia and literally travels through worlds to stay with her. Mirror magic, a starstudded cast including Camryn Manheim as Snow White, and a love story to top it all off--The Tenth Kingdom is one of my all-time favorites across the board. But Wolf? You don't get a lot more beta than Wolf.


3. James Frain as Forney Hill in Where the Heart Is (2000)

Forney jumps through a plate glass window to deliver the baby in this over-the-top romance. This story twists tragic and then spirals back to funny, but through it all...Forney remains bookish, awkward, quiet and yet I fell in love with him. I could ramble all day about how fantastic Frain was in this role, but if you haven't seen it, you aren't going to get it...and if you have seen it, you already know. Highly recommend Forney as he's the guy we'd all like to stumble across in a library.


2. Matthew Goode as Declan in Leap Year (2010)

I've rewatched this movie so many times that my children have lines from it memorized. Goode plays Declan, as Irish as the name sounds, and he's brilliant. When she first meets him, he's snarly, cranky and not interested in the snooty and arrogant Adams character. As they end up on a road trip from hell together, each finds the other has charms not immediately recognized--this is far from a love or lust at first sight romance. But Declan is beta...which is just what the strong woman played by Adams finds she wants in her life. And I do, too. *sigh*

1. Ryan Reynolds as Andrew Paxton in The Proposal (2009)

Sandra Bullock is a powerful woman--editor, boss, shark. She's also a Canadian about to get the boot out of NY if her assistant, played by the snarky and sexy Reynolds, doesn't agree to pretend to be her fiance. They end up flying away to Alaska to meet his family (with Bette White as the Grandma...and she is a HOOT.) to further their illusion and she learns there is a lot about him that she never knew...although he seems to know her almost eerily well. The two bumble and fumble through their faked engagement, but Reynolds remains beautifully beta right until the end. Even his counter-proposal is brilliantly beta. Not to mention he's naked in one scene...just saying.

Do you have any favorite beta heroes? Lemme know in the comment section below!

Top Five Hot #Werewolves - #Countdown to Odd Wolf

We're getting so close! Okay, a whole box set of wolf-variety stories? YES. I know, I got pretty excited when I heard about it myself. So, in honor of all the wolfy goodness, here's a countdown of werewolves I thought were hot in Virg-particular order:

Top Five Hot Werewolves

5. Wolf from the Tenth Kingdom

Okay, he's not alpha. And he's rather silly for a good chunk of the movie, even if he does have primal and insatiable animal hungers...but Wolf was hot. There was something about his canine devotion to his Virginia, his wolfish glare and the adorable way he'd scratch his ear that just did it for me. I know, I'm weird. But this is my list and I thought he was kinda hot.

4. Teen Wolf as played by Michael J. Fox

 Okay, for sure this was a campy kind of movie and I get that...but I had a serious long-running crush on the Fox. I mean, he's the dude from Back to the Future! Not to mention his money-clever character from his long running television show. That said, I didn't even mind him getting hairy. Still hot.

3. The Werewolf as played by Michael Jackson

I'm going to be honest...I never had a thing for MJ. My sister and mother had the biggest crush on him and now my daughter does, but I loved and love Thriller. I do, I admit it. Sure, I probably have more of a thing for Vincent Price than MJ as a wolf, but whatever...that laugh from Price is worthy of making the list, even if he wasn't the wolf.

2. The Underworld Wolves

They had me at the sex in the back of that truck thing? Yeah, that was hot. Nuff said.

1. Blood and Chocolate the book Wolves

I don't know if you've read the book, but the movie disappointed me because of my love of the book. The way he came in the window...yeah, I liked that book. That was a sexy wolf.

Which wolves flipped your pancakes?

Top Five Powerful Women in HIstory - #Countdown to Odd Wolf

Dara in Odd Wolf is an Alpha of a pack of wolves. She's a bitch in more way than one and is rather proud of that. Her strength, however, doesn't always come from just her muscles or the powers granted to her via the pack bonds--she's smart, brave and has a big heart, too. A big enough heart to keep interacting with a rogue wolf with a lost look in his mysterious eyes...

But that is a story for three days from now. For now, let's talk about powerful women in movies, shall we? These are not, by a long shot, THE most powerful women in history, just some of my personal favorites. (Note: These are my recollections of these women, so google them if you want more accuracy or are writing a book report as this is in no way a relevant document.)

Top Five Powerful Women in History

According to Virg

It isn't about luck.

5. Anne Sullivan (April 14, 1866 – October 20, 1936)

To escape the potato famine, Anne's parents came to America. She got an infection in her eyes, her mom died, and her dad abandoned her. All of this happened before she was ten years old. Then her brother dies and she is pretty much as down on your luck and alone as anyone can get. What does she do with her time? Oh, she goes to this place where they have this kid who can't see, hear or talk. With the deck stacked against her, she manages to give the child a voice, one that resounded throughout history and changed, if not the whole world, certainly her own. Pretty badass for a woman who was born to nothing and given no advantages whatsoever from the fates...

Ain't I a Woman?

4. Sojourner Truth (1797 – November 26, 1883)

Every single one of my kids listened to the Ain't I a Woman speech and it still brings me to tears to this day.  Sojourner was born into slavery but took her baby and escaped to freedom--walking because she didn't think it was right to run away from problems. She then took a white man to court to get custody of her son back and became the first black woman to win that kind of battle. She fought, throughout her life, using her voice to rise up against everything from gender inequality to capital punishment and only death managed to stop her. Even silenced by the great equalizer, her words have rung out across the ages to decry unfairness and insist on equality for all.

3. Christa McAuliffe (September 2, 1948 – January 28, 1986) 

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut. I remember my Weekly Reader's all telling me how a teacher was going to give lessons from outer space and how we could listen to Christa right in our classrooms--a big deal in the eighties. When the Challenger launched, we didn't have school. I remember that because I was home, sitting at the table and coloring when the news came that it exploded. I had nightmares for weeks if not longer about exploding in a shuttle, something that put a bit of a damper on my dreams of becoming an astronaut...but I still wanted it bad enough to chase that particular star for a while. She might not have changed the world, but she changed mine, so she makes my list.

Sorry for stepping on your foot, dude.

2. Marie Antoinette (2 November 1755 – 16 October 1793)

Back in school, I got to choose which French figure I wanted to be for some thing or another and I picked Madame Du Barry.  Only much later in life did I realize there was more to Marie than what I learned in school. She was born to a mostly disinterested mother, given away in marriage to a place far from home as little more than a child herself and married to a boy. Their rule was fast, tumultuous, and eventually disastrous. However, she faced all of it with grace and dignity, even charges against her which insulted her, and didn't cry or beg at her own beheading. Her last words were a brief apology to her executioner for stepping on his foot.

You can be anything. Look at what Theo managed.

1. Theodora (500 – 28 June 548)

Okay, this one is straight from memory, so excuse any bending of history for this, as it is how I remember it. Theodora was born to an actress (read:prostitute) and a bear trainer for the Coliseum. Her fate, it would seem, wasn't to be illustrious. As a single mother, however, she did the dance of the veils for Justinian and won his heart. He went to his uncle, passed a law to say he could marry former actresses, and married her before becoming emperor of Rome. Together, they rebuilt roads, aquaducts and more, but that cost a lot of dough. So, the people rose up and rioted, circling their house and demanding Justinian back down. Justinian's advisers advised he back down. Theodora? She was like, "Nah. Dude, you're the damned emperor of Rome. Put on your man-panties and deal with this shit." (Obviously paraphrased.) So he did--he called in the leaders of the two teams against him, told one he was always a fan and here, "Have these casks of gold." They were cool with that and bounced. The other folks, though, they were still pissed and they told him so. Justinian shrugged, admitted he foresaw that response and had his guards kill them. End of Rise of the Nika, BAM. In her time in 'office' so to speak, Theodora worked hard for women's rights and changed a lot of really lame laws, not to mention contributing to lots of really cool projects. When she died, her husband, the emperor of Rome, openly wept at the funeral. She was born a daughter of no one from the absolute wrong side of the tracks and yet when she died, the most powerful man in the world mourned her publicly. That's pretty damn badass, if you ask me.

Who are your favorite historical Alpha women?

Top Five Odd Series Facts - #Countdown to #OddWolf

Odd Stuff was my very first book back in 2010, published initially by Sapphire Blue Publishing. I wrote the book backwards, literally. I knew how it ended, wrote that scene, and worked my way back to the beginning. I've never written another book this way and that's a fact I'm terribly happy about since it wasn't a terribly comfortable way to tell a story. This world is and will always be one of my favorites and it has some awesome dedicated fans (*waves at Odd Series fans*)

Odd Wolf is written in a way to be accessible to those who read the first two books and those who haven't yet joined the party. That said, here's a few Odd Series facts for those new to the world: 

 Top Five Odd Series Facts

5. The Odd Series is set in Ashtabula, Ohio, a small town that used to be big.  

Long ago, when shipping was pretty important to everyone, Ashtabula was a major port city. Things were shipped in from the Atlantic Ocean, brought inland via the Great Lakes until the ships reached the Ashtabula Harbor. So, the harbor had everything a sailor just off the water might need--whore houses, fancy hotels, great dining, a lovely lift bridge and what remained became what is now known as the historic Harbor District. History left behind an area with a faded grandeur, an almost scenic history and seemed the perfect setting for a paranormal world to hide. On cobbled alleyways, under gargoyle laden eaves, my monsters roam through snowstorms and sunshiney beach days...just like everyone else here.

4. Odd Stuff is the name of a store selling metaphysical and mystical goodies.

Run by a local witch, Mia, Odd Stuff is more than a store. It is a way of life. Mia has many friends in various other circles of the magical world--from wolves, to sirens, to creatures that no one can even name, she is like a bridge uniting all things the humans don't know exist. Janie is her best friend from high school, recently divorced, who moved in with Mia for a while with her daughter, Vickie. I'm not even going to get into all the adventures they've already had (since it took me two couple hundred page long books to begin telling them in the first place) however I will say that Janie has a penchant for getting into mischief and has a hard time in the love department. Dara also knew Mia from back in school, although she was a year ahead of Janie and Mia so she wasn't besties or anything. They help out where they can, tossing virtual duct tape on lots of mystical leaks, so it didn't surprise me when Dara headed over to Odd Stuff for help in Odd Wolf. (PS. Yes, this means that fans of Janie and crew will get to see everyone, if briefly, in the new book. Chance is...cranky, to say the least, and I got a kick out of seeing the gang through someone else's eyes for this story.)

3. Fairies aren't nice.

In this particular series, most of the fairies we've met are dicks. Like, they aren't nice at ALL. I'm sure some are, but we haven't really met any. You won't hear a peep from them in Dara's story since none of the fae have a burning desire to get mixed up in wolf business, but they're out there. Being dicks.

2. Vampires can be a little arrogant.

But, hey, wouldn't you be if you were super hot, had a really long lifespan and could move way faster than most anyone? Vance, leader of the local blood-sucking residents, also isn't a big fan of wolves, so we don't see much of the vamps in this book. But again...they're out there. Being arrogant. We don't hold it against them most days, but hey, the wolves aren't getting I heart Vamps t-shirts anytime soon.

1. The Witches are pretty badass, actually.

Like one of them is the maiden of the circle of the dawn and she's going to school to become an architect. She's also a stripper and has outstanding boobs, but everyone has to make a living, right? In this series, we've seen witches use simple table sugar to cast spells that stopped baddies in their tracks. We've seen witches cure the nearly dead, witches sneezing spells...

The witches have a lot going on. Lucky for Dara, she's on the witches' good side. Which explains how she could just bip over to Odd Stuff and ask for Mia to do her a solid. No matter how badass anyone is in this world, however, there's always someone with just a hair more power...

Don't even get me started on Chance. *sigh*

Well, that was your quickie intro to the world. For those of you who've been hanging out with me in this magic-filled playground for a few books now, welcome back! Shit is about to hit the fan. For those of you new to the Harbor, welcome. Pull up a chair. Maybe grab a raincoat, cuz stuff is about to get a little Odd...

Exclusive Excerpt from Odd Wolf:

The man, however, long ago conquered the beast, so Lynwood simply looked at her again. With a blink, her wolf peered out at him and he hit his knees before he realized he planned to move. The impact of knees on brick jarred him and seemed to give him a tiny measure of his mind back.

Enough so, he recognized the alpha in the alley wasn’t the man by the dumpster. As he gazed up at her, he saw her lips curl into a feral smile. “That’s better, don’t you think?”

Her voice shivered over him, rich and ripe with her power, and he trembled before dropping his chin to his chest. “Unexpected is the word I’d use.” With her power still gliding over him with an invisible weight, he caved and his palms hit the cold grit of wet bricks. His arms trembled as the wolf longed to drop and show belly, an outward recognition of her utter dominance.

“Your name,” she demanded.

More of her strength rippled over him until he did collapse, looking at her shoes in frustration. “Lynwood Pierce. Look, about trespassing on your pack property…”

He didn’t get to finish. The man’s boot rammed between his ribs. The kick alone wasn’t enough to silence him, but combined with her power, the blow left him blinking back tears and grinding his teeth together.

“I think we’ll go someplace more private to talk, if that is okay with you, Lynwood.”

Although she’d phrased it as a question, he understood the lady alpha issued a command.

What disturbed him most, however, wasn’t her decision. It was the fact his wolf didn’t mind following any orders she might give—something he’d sworn never to do again.

How to train your writer

My best friend has excelled at this particular skill, so I figured a couple methods she's used in her hard work in training me might be useful to someone out there.

1. If you feed them, they will come.

Not an exact science, since a writer in their natural habitat won't leave their natural habitat (staring at the screen or paper), however if you feed your writer, they will make appearances. Like most wild animals, the writer must eventually eat. If you provide warm food--or even cold food, depending on the length of time since you've last seen your writer--the writer will (like a stray) come back for more. Sometimes, just shoving food in the general direction of your writer will be the most you can do, but if you wait patiently, they will again reemerge from the writing cave and seek out what they know is a good source for sustenance.

2. Let them babble.

Writing is a most solitary profession, so your writer likely spends hours if not days (and nights) with no other sound than the tap of their fingers and maybe their own voice if they pause and read things out loud. Other than, "Get down, cat!" your writer might not have spoken at all since the last time you've seen them. Although you yourself might have things to say, just let your writer babble for a bit to remove the words bursting as if from a dam just broken and they will eventually run out of steam. Allowing for this babble will mean that your writer will hear you when you speak, since the pressure from all the words unspoken has been relieved.

3. Sympathize.

Your writer is babbling about some author or publisher or editor? Now they're telling you all about this person who made them mad, only for you to realize a half an hour into the conversation that they're talking about a fictional character in either their story or one they've read? Just sympathize, even if you have no clue what they're babbling about. Sometimes, your writer isn't so much looking for you to follow all that they're saying, they're simply hoping for someone to sympathize since they can't talk to anyone in the business about these things.

4. Pet frequently.

Remember, your writer is an artist at their core, no matter how businesslike they might pretend to be. As an artist, this means their temperament leads to the favorable insofar as they're great people watchers and might understand you pretty well when most people only see the surface stuff.

Conversely, this same artistic temperament means your author is constantly battling monsters known as self-doubt, insecurities, and otherwise a general surety that they're a hack. If you pet your writer, perhaps even remind them that you loved that one thing they wrote that one time, it will give your writer the steam to keep on keeping on, so to speak. One tiny nugget of belief is enough to fuel your writer for weeks, since they hoard any cheerleading comments like dragons guarding gold. When your author goes out into the world to deal with trolls, negative reviews, rejections and revisions, your breadcrumb of belief is the stuff that keeps them from turning in the writing hat and planting a nice garden instead.

5. Don't take their hermit ways personally.

Your writer can't be a writer if they're not writing. This means, sometimes? They're literally not present. They're home or in the office and writing away and it isn't that they've decided not to hang out with you...

They're not there at all. They're off slaying a dragon or otherwise living the lives of the character. They've probably not showered or eaten or even slept. So it isn't a rejection of you...they've forgotten themselves, too. It isn't personal. They do love you, but they're working. Once in a while, it is totally okay to steal your writer away from their work, since they likely won't remember to do it themselves, and will also likely thank you for the much needed break they didn't realize they required. Expect hugs and sometimes tears for this kind of rescue, but don't think it means they won't again be eaten alive by the next story or chapter.

6. Prepare to be immortalized.

Your writer will love you and cherish you so much that they'll likely give you immortality on the page. That one time you gave them a hug when they were crying? In a book. Your writer might sometimes burst into tears over fictional people or stare into space with a vague look on their face...while not remembering what you asked them to get at the store...but your writer still loves you, so you will live forever in the words they string together into stories.

Top Ten Turn Ons

So, it's probably not a secret that I write dirty books.

Wait, some of you didn't know?  Okay, confession...I write dirty books.

So, part of the gig is that I watch people.  I watch how they interact and I pay really close attention to how various situations make me feel.  I listen to my friends and strangers talk and try to hear the words that aren't said.  The ones that are given in a tiny tilt of the head, in the flutter of a nervous hand, or catch of breath.

So, I decided to do one of my lists.  Been awhile since I've done one so here are my Top Five Turn Ons (gathered from my own experience and those of people I've watched) and they might not be what you think--especially if you thought I was about to list body parts.

5. Knowing you well enough to give you what you didn't know you even wanted.

Whether it's from your special someone or just someone special, if they pay close enough attention to get you something you wanted but maybe never even said you needed...that is rare.  It means you're paying enough attention to see me, rather than the mask I've put up for the world to see.

4. The ability to call bullshit.

We all do it. The innocent little lies, the ones we tell even ourselves, to either make things better or to pretend things are okay...and if someone is paying close enough attention to you to call bullshit when you're full of it...That's hot.

3. Making you a better person just by being there.

We've all had that person at some point or another.  They challenge us.  They make us want to be a better person.  When we're with them, we almost feel like we are better people, or could be.  There's something unbelievably sexy about liking who you are and someone who has the ability to give you hope.

2. The eyes.

Little moments, not more than a few seconds, when your eyes meet and for just a second, you know they get it.  You don't need words.  They just get it and you get it and it's all there in that gaze.  Magical, this silent communication, but when it happens and the need for words stops to be replaced by this...it's something you never forget.



1. They listen...and really talk to you.

We talk to hundreds of people in any given week. Thousands in months. Millions over the course of a year. But those times when you're talking and someone really hears you--when they answer and you're just left nodding as they answer. When the words flow and the topics slip from one to another without any awkward silences almost as if--for that brief instant--you're souls are in tune...
That's steaming up your glasses sexy.

What are the things that you find sexy?
Happy Writing!

Proper care and feeding techniques

Yesterday, the amazing Amazon Goddess, Saranna DeWylde (author of books like Desperate Housewives of Olympus and Lust and Other Drugs) made a facebook post about the proper care and feeding of your author.

This inspired a list.

How to Take Care of your Author

5. Don't interrupt the process.

If I could, I would put this in neon, bleeping, flashing and otherwise screaming the words. The process is sometimes not the neatest thing in the world. Ray Bradbury sat in his swivel chair and twirled back and forth...gaze wandering over the flotsam he collected until--kapow!--inspiration hit and he would start with the clickety clacking. Some authors clear their heads by playing Words With Friends. Some wonder aimlessly through facebook pictures until...POW!...it hits. Shirley Jackson was walking her baby (something one did back in her day) when the stroller wheel caught a rock, throwing it up and pegging the baby in the head. She finished her walk, just watching that trickle of blood on her kids head...went home and wrote the Lottery in one sitting.

The process is strange and it has been described more as finding a story than creating one. It only takes the connection of seemingly not connected things in a writers brain (for me, it was once bacon soap, werewolves and sex) to make that little shift in reality to where stories are born.

So, if you see your author staring into space, staring at YouTube videos, poking their pasta with a fork...this doesn't mean start talking. They probably aren't there, even though the lights are on. No one is home. They are ass deep in a swamp, machete in hand, looking for a relic. So shut up.

4. Respect the work.

The key word in that sentence is work. This one kind of ties into number 5, but stay with me. If the laptop is open and your author's fingers are flying across the keyboard, don't walk up and start asking them what they want for dinner.

Chances are good, they don't care about dinner. They are still looking for that damn relic and you just made them lose the thread of thought that it took them all morning to catch and now that it is gone...they hate you a little. Unlike reading a book or watching a movie, writing a book doesn't have a handy pause button or ability to just wait for you to pick back up again. Thread gone, author staring at the page with no fucking clue what they were going to type next. They now have to reread the past five chapters, try to find the characters and the thread again and...yeah, I mentioned they hate you a little?

You are better off bringing whatever you think they might eat and leaving it silently next to the desk and creeping away. My kiddos are kind creatures and when I am in THE ZONE, they will quietly supply coffee and if I go a day without eating...they stick food near me.

I once wrote a 90k book in about a week. There really wasn't anything else I did but write that book that week. I didn't really shower...or brush my teeth...or sleep...

I ate when I remembered to and if there was food nearby. The kids kept me in coffee. They like my writing because it means that although there might be a week like that when I am Out Of It and in THE ZONE, I am home with them the rest of the time and more than happy to spend hours shooting things on their video games or looking through magazines or traveling around to where ever they want to go.

The price is that when a story grabs Mommy by the ass, she is GONE till it lets her go. Most of the time this doesn't happen and I write like everyone else (3-7k a day in the morning) and it is just a day job. But the good stories just come out like vomit...

So as an author, respect the process and let it happen. As a person who loves an author, understand that sometimes they are there...other times, they aren't.

3. Offer inspiration.

My best friend ROCKS at this. She takes me on adventures that I wouldn't dream of having. She finds new foods, new places, new people to feed her author pal and I soak them in...later regurgitating them into stories. College is excellent fodder for the writerly brain. Soaking in life is excellent inspiration, too. Don't be afraid to try new things, to go new places...you never know what your rock of inspiration might be.

2. Don't be surprised when your author knows all about tobacco enemas but can't remember someone you introduced them to last week.

I am TERRIBLE about this. I know some really trivial information and can spew it, at length, at the slightest trigger. I don't remember people FOR SHIT. I have to really get to know them before their name stays with me. Even then, I can lose it. It isn't that I don't like people...I just can't tell them apart. I do the same thing with my characters. I can tell you the whole story line in a book I WROTE but I have no clue what I named the people in it. And I LOVE my characters. It's just the names aren't the important bits for me.

I can tell you all about books I have read, too. I can't remember who is IN them...but I remember who wrote them. I don't know why.

I've noticed a lot of authors do similar stuff. We remember lots and lots of info...

But forget bread three times in a row at the grocery store.

Why? I dunno. But for proper care and feeding of your author, expect this and be ready to whisper names in their ears.

1. Know that your author will love you in a way that no one else ever will.

Most authors end up, in some way or another, putting little nods to the people who took care of them into their work. Either by flat out dedicating the book to them or by writing out a funny story that they remember about them into a longer tale. Having your very own author means that you will be given immortality through the work. An author also is willing to look at you, really look at you, and see all the bits, even the gritty dirty ones and love you for them. They add to your character, after all, and that is what we love...characters.

So for the times when the author stares at you blankly and the times they snarl when you come too close to the laptop...

Remember, it isn't that they aren't devoted to you. They hold whole worlds in their hands and you have the ability to shape those worlds with your love of them.

Take care of your author...and they will take care of you. Forever.

Happy Writing!

Things that make me smile...

The boys woke me up at the buttcrack of dawn this morning. Their aunt got them Halo and ever since she did...they have been Halo'ing every waking moment that I didn't give them other stuff to do.

I shall one day have my revenge.

But on that note, I wanted to talk about things that make me smile.

10. Baby feet.

Nuff said.

Things that make you go awww...

9. My kids belly laugh.

Kids have this way of laughing so hard that it seems to spiral up from inside them and take up their whole body. I love that.

8. Cheesecake.

NY Style...mah fave

What? Cheesecake is the shit.

7. New book covers.

Even the ones I don't love for whatever reason...they still have my name printed boldly on the cover. I can't help a shiver of pleasure and a big grin for book covers.

6. Swag.

Free stuff from other authors, be it books, bookmarks, magnets or whatever, makes me smile. I don't think anyone becomes an author or works in this industry if they don't LOVE books...so it really makes me act like a kid on Christmas to get author goodies delivered right to my door.

5. Chocolate.

Double the amplitude of the grin if you just add bacon to the chocolate.

4. Making my kids dreams come true.
Yeah, seems simple but anytime my kids want something for awhile or have a dream and I can help them achieve it or give it to them, it makes me smile like a loon.

Soft kitty, warm kitty...

3. Hugs.

I think that if you manage not to smile when someone hugs you, maybe, just maybe, you really don't have a soul.

2. Other people who love books/writing.
What is cooler than having someone to talk to about all this cool stuff???
1. Coffee
Oh, yeah, that is cooler. Especially if it is an espresso with steamed milk, topped with a little whipped cream and a drizzle of chocolate. Not that I drink that everyday but...

Yeah.

That first sip rocks.

What makes you smile?

Happy writing!

Sex for dummies...

Yes, this is an actual book. You can buy it here.

Forget the Kama Sutra... this is sex for dummies!! Even the most clumsy and awkward can learn how to...
Hang on. Really?

Yes! Really!

Okay, here we go. Top ten reasons why you need this book:

1. To find out what cytomegalovirus is.
Nope. I dunno either. Nor do I know why I want to know. But Amazon tells me that I need to know. Amazon would not lie to me. (Yes, I googled it. Lazybones. Apparently you won't get it if you avoid saliva-especially childrens- and wash your hand after changing diapers. And out of a hundred people, 50-80 have it. A member of the herpes family, it is usually harmless and symptomless unless you have a compromised immune system. No, I did not find out why we care.)

2. It will teach about male and female masturbation.

Again... Amazon says we need to know. Nope. I dunno who doesn't know how. Or how they haven't figured it out. But they can learn-- With this book!

3. It will teach you the "ups and downs of orgasms."

Which is good... because I didn't know there were downs.

4. It will teach you "many other very sensitive subjects--such as how to come out when you're married and have children."

How the hell did you stay 'in' that long? And if you have, how is this book going to be the thing that spurs you to do it? I love books but I don't think a book has this power. I think a good support system and counsoling would be better... but I am a negative nancy sometimes.

5. It will help with premature ejaculation.
You just hit your thingie with the book and away you go...

6. It will teach you to have cybersex.

Which I have to admit... I haven't figured out. Nor have I figured out the draw. But hey, even I could learn how!

7. This book can break the ice to conversations with your kids about sex!

I could not, in any way shape or form, hand my child this book. We talk about sex and masturbation and relationships... but I don't know if I want my teen reading about how to give a blow job. They will figure that part out when the time comes, I am sure. (No pun intended but sort of funny that it happened.) And the boys will figure out premature ejaculation... all by themselves. There is answering questions and there is creating questions. This book would create some that they don't really need to know until active... but thanks, Dr. Ruth.

8. It was written by Dr. Ruth!

So it should be in her cool accent. If it's not, well... I don't want to read it.

9. It will help you deal with impotence!

Which is on every commercial I see lately... So I am really not sure why I want a book about it. Are there really more impotent men out there than other problems (cancer, heart issues, dealing with mental problems)?And again, how does the book help, exactly? Shouldn't you see a doctor yourself? Unless, again, you hit your thingie with the book. I am pretty sure you can put off premature ejaculation and if it won't stay up... well, it will when it is swollen from whacking it with a book... I guess...
10. It would be an awesome icebreaker... According to Amazon.

Okay, I admit it. Putting a copy of this on my coffee table would start a lot of conversations. That does kind of make me want a copy. For the look on my mothers face alone, kind of worth it. But then my kids would see it and again... not sure I want to discuss blow jobs and premature ejaculation at length just yet. (There was another pun. Ooops...)

Altogether... um. Yeah.