Saturday, August 6, 2011

99 mil lottery ticket sold here!

Some lucky person bought a 99mil lottery ticket at my local gas station. Since after taxes they will receive somewhere in the neighborhood of 50mil, I figure they will be stunned and busy thinking of ways to spend their new-found wealth.

Aside from giving a funny local author 1mil (ahem) I have a few other ideas to share with them :

Top Ten Ways Someone In Jefferson Should Spend their Loot:

1. Privatize the school district.

You know... make it not suck. Education gives children the keys to a future. Right now they aren't so much doing that. It is a long term solution to so many problems...

2. Create local industry.

Even if it is a button factory... We could use some industry. This will generate jobs and money regionally and therefore bring up the area in ways too great to be numbered.

3. Build a cyborg.

Okay, just because you can. Oh, and maybe a time machine. You know, the cool shit.

4. Build an entire village out in the forest...

Think Robin Hood... but here. Aside from being a cool ass tourist attraction, you could rent them out (I want one.) and it would then add to your wealth long term. And it would be cool. You can be that guy... the one who built a Robin Hood Tree Village!

5. Pass some stupid law that everyone must follow... or else.

Streaking Thursday or Stupid Hat Saturdays... Money talks. You should make one dumb rule. Look around. We are following tons of dumb rules already. Use your money and influence to make your mark.

6. Take me to Ireland.

Okay. That one was rather selfish of me. But I will let it stand as I still think it is a damn good idea.

7. Become Batman.

There is nothing different between you and he at this point. Tons of money... ability to hire Albert and get cool toys. You know you wanna...

8. Stop driving a car... You can now afford a hovercraft.

That says it all, really.

9. Buy a monkey.

Cuz haven't you always wanted a mon-kee?

10. To spur local commerce, just drop a mil from a plane on the town.

You will still have 49mil left and think of what it will do for local business! But call me first. And tell me where to stand.

Okay, I am glad I could help you out, lottery winner. I am sure everyone else is telling you to hire a lawyer and an accountant. Pssshhhhaw! Hire me. I will continue to come up with ideas for you. Cuz I am nice like that.

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