funny

Random Quiz I stole from Kerri because it was too terribly hilarious and I wanted a go at it...

1. Have you ever planned global domination by means of giant robots?

No. I am taking over the world right now. My plan involves my fertility. You will see. Three kids, all hyper. Look out. They are almost adults. That is when the plan comes to fruition.

2. If you had a choice what side of “The Force” would you find yourself on?

I would go to the dark side because I read a sticker that said they have cookies.

3. If you were to become an evil criminal what would you call yourself and what would be your crime?

I would be Mama Jabawakie Funky Nugget. Just because it is fun to say. I would be arrested for misuse and overuse and speeding while using the english language.

4. If you were a giant monster, where would you be most likely to attack?

Ireland. It is mostly rolly, not mountain-y so I wouldn't trip.

5. If you could recolor the planet what color would you make the ocean?

Paisley

6. Why are you answering the questions in this survey?

I am too tired to do the really long to do list that is daunting me just now and this is funny. And my nose itches.

7. If you could have your own evil animal minions, what would they be and would they be armed?

Like I said, I have ninja monkeys in my shed. Don't make me release them.

Ants. They never tire and work, work, work. Shut up! I know they aren't animals.

8. If you could picture it in your mind how would the Amazing Ceremony of Milk be performed?

It is a dance and I don't have to imagine it. It is regularly done in bongo with coconuts and naked women... I think.

9. Write a small poem about Pizza.

You can eat it for dinner and breakfast and lunch. It is super easy to munch. Eat with your hands or be a dork and use a fork. How ever you slice, Ittza Nice.

10. Should this survey have multiple choice questions?

Hell no. I like to make stuff up. That is why I am a writer... And a mom. I make stuff up all the time as a mom. And kids believe me. If I don't remember, I make it up. If it wasn't for the Science Channel, they would believe me, too.

11. Your favorite color is…? ( I am leaving Kerri's answer here because it flipping rocked- This is it--->)
a. plaid
b. seven
c. Bright orange
d. Any color on the donut box
true or false?

False. The correct answer is coffee.

12. How many times have you dressed up in a zebra suit?

Never, but I have dressed a character in one and he looked darn sharp. Siren's Song, release date, TBA

13. Name five things you like about llamas

1. They chew gum, but don't have any.
2. They are soft and fluffy but you can eat them... I think. That is why I like gummy bears, too.
3. Ash is scared of them.
4. If you put a dress on them, they would have fan-TAS-tic legs.
5. They talk funny.

14. If you could be any tree in the forest, would you be the one lusting after the tree with the big bushy branches and all the acorns?

No, I would be the tree that was trying to figure out how to walk and scare people.

15. How many analog clocks (the funny ones with the hands) do you have in your home?

none. They tick. They kind of freak me out to be honest.

16. What is the 1st full sentence on the 21st page of the book that is closest to you?

He stood and removed his clothes while Zach climbed onto the bed next to her and lay on his back.- From Once Bitten

17. If you were a superhero, would you have a full face mask or just one of those small jobs that covers the eyes?

I wrote a super hero type character and she doesn't wear a mask... but sometimes she wears a taco.

18. If you stand up and walk two steps forward and then turn to your left and then take a major leap as far as you can forward, where would you be?

At the front door. Are we leaving?

19. Do you see invisible elephants and if you do what color are they?

No. Pssht. Who sees invisible elephants. You can hear them and ride them but no one can SEE them that is why they are called INVISIBLE. Trick questions...

20. Can you remember what you were doing at exactly 1:23pm?

Talking on the phone to some lady who told me she was not JOKING and wishing desperately we had a real coffee machine rather than powder and water...

21. If you were a zombie, how would you cook your brains or would you rather eat them raw and wriggly?

I would not eat brains... I would save them for the dumb zombies. I would.... (sing with me now...) "Take another little piece of" your "Heart now baby... Take it! Take another little piece of my heart, you know you will..."

22. If you could mix any two television shows into one, what two would you mix?

The X-Files and That 70's Show... Imagine aliens in a circle. That would be a funny circle. Zaaaang.

23. When was the last time you pretended to crush somebody’s head with your fingers?

I haven't but I am willing to start now that you have given me the idea. Thanks! Oh, Kiiiids...

24. Do you have lima beans in your pantry?

No pantry, no lima. I am a big take out, eat out, no cook kind of gal. I convince others to cook for me by shoving money or food at them. I love food. I would not want to hurt it. If I did cook it, I know that lima beans are not a food. That was an old wives tale...

25. Would you rather do battle with a cotton candy dragon or a chocolate marshmallow kraken?

Chocolate. Yum. I would eat him out of exsistance (the first portion of that sentence was rather suggestive, now that I think about it...)

26. Can you believe we are already half way through the survey and I haven’t asked any stupid questions about crushes or kissing or cell phones?

Hmm. I like to eat snow. But if it is yellow, I better have sprinkled lemonade on it. Lemonade snow good. Urine... blech. The acid rain does something good for your kidneys, or so I have heard.

27. Would you rather spend time in an elevator with someone who has halitosis or stinky armpits?

I would rather not worry about that. It is thirty seconds of your life. Grow a pair and quit your b&%(&&

28. Do you think frogs need to wait 30 minutes after eating flies, before going into the water.

Yes, or else they'll croak. (okay, that is Kerri's answer too, but it was perfect. Cannot touch that. )

29. Name an insect that you are willing to eat so long as it’s covered in chocolate.

All. Any. I would eat you if we covered you in chocolate.

30. If you had to move tomorrow, what would be the first thing you would pack in Styrofoam?

Ash

31. What is the most bizarre dream that you are willing to share?

Lately, the man with the bloody eyes and shrapnel bone, but if you read my facebook updates or my blog, you know allll about him.

32. What do you think of when you look at polka dots?

Spring and that song starts playing in my head...

33. What color socks are your next door neighbor wearing?

I don't believe my neighbor cares for socks

34. Will you call your neighbor and ask what color socks?

No. Really. I am having phone issues. Got to rub it in?

35. Write a haiku about penguins.

Black and white
Small and bright
What is with the egg thing?

36. Would you rather see Santa Clause battle the Easter Bunny or would you rather witness a major war between leprechauns and tooth fairies?

I think that Santa would kick the Easter Bunny's fluffy tail off... so I am all about the green people and the wingy thingies

37. If you had the choice between a banana or an orange, which would you go into battle with?

Orange. I would eat it and then I would beat them up with my citrus strength.

38. Describe yourself with words from the letter of your name. Example Bob: Brave Ornery Brutish.

Virginia
Voracious Reader
Independent
Really Weird
Gong (I just like to say it. Shut up!)
Invincible
Nice
Incorrigible (my goodness I have a lot of I's in my name... Yeesh)
Ambitious

39. How many scoops of ice-cream do you usually get?

8... WHat?

40. Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kream?

Starbucks.

41. List all the animals living in your house, and if you don’t have any animals make some up. You can make some up if you have animals but you need to include the real ones too. Please provide animal type and name. Example a cat named Bill.

One cat named Chili... We named him Chili because he is not ours but he comes around and I always have cans of Chili or chinese take out in the fridge to feed him... and chinese takeout was a really long name. So he is Chili. We also have some Sock Monsters. They eat our matched socks. I haven't named them. You can.

42. Name your favorite literary villain of the moment (It can be a movie villain if you are not the reading type.)

Erm. I love villains. I think they are hot and usually get a crush on them. I will go with Phantom. Classic.

43. sculpting with mashed potatoes or building with macaroni noodles?

Everyone knows potatoes hold art better... duh.

44. What is your cereal killer name? (Not to be confused with serial killer.)

Captain Banana Nut Crunch

45. Do you know the name of the person who delivers your mail and have you ever offered this person some cookies?

My landlord brings my mail to my house... I gave him some fancy bread once. I also gave him Smarties. Not cookies. Should I offer him cookies?

46. Name a food you like that nobody else in your family will eat?

Sushi. I dunno why the kids don't like sushi...

47. Do you prefer fried rice or chow mien noodles?

Both. Thanks.

48. Who is you’re cartoon or comic book crush?

Richie Rich. Or Archie. Man I liked Archie.

49. What is your favorite musical?

Phantom... I want to see Green Day tho.

50. Would you answer a survey of 50 questions that really don’t reveal anything of significance about you?

I would have a bit of fun with it, yes.