Magic!! Mayhem!!! New stories AVAILABLE NOW!!!!!!

Okay, I've been dying to talk about this, but I've got another new book available TODAY in Robyn Peterman's Magic and Mayhem Kindle World!! Seriously this series is so funny and I'm so insanely thrilled to be writing for it, but this time? We found a way to make it even more fun.

My writing besties, Heather Long and Saranna DeWylde, have been plotting with me for yearrrrrrrrs to do twisted fairy tales. We have a fondness for villains, you see, and it is just something we wanted to do. So when it came time for this episode in Assjacket, we thought... why not combine the things we love to make one BIG EPIC ADVENTURE.

And thus ONCE UPON A TIME IN ASSJACKET was born! I tackled my favorite fairy tale-Beauty and the Beast! Once I had this grand plan, I got to talking to my adopted kiddo, and Jordan Brown made me this gorgeous cover. Isn't it fabulous?

Okay, I'm going to be over here, bouncing in my seat like a kid because I'm so excited to introduce you all to Iola and her beast!

Witchy and the Beast
Link: http://a.co/eApZSH9
by Virginia Nelson

He was a douchewaffle long before a spell made him a monster, but she might be just the witch to break his curse.

Iola Pennybreaker had an awful relationship with her father, and that was before she found herself spelled to the middle of nowhere West Virginia. Apparently, her father was captured by a Beast… and can only be freed if she’ll take his place.

Which sounded kinda like a fairytale, except she isn’t a huge fan of her father and less of a fan of being a prisoner, even if the prison in question is a mega-sweet castle. But there is something about the Beast, so she and her familiar decide to help the guy out.

Makeover, anyone? She tries berries, spells, and a trip to her favorite hair magician, but Iola can’t seem to fix the biggest problem—Beast’s self-confidence. When they team up to save a trio of baby raccoons, she begins to notice something…

Maybe she is just the witch to tame this particular Beast.

While you're at it, check out ALL the new additions to Assjacket!!

Magic and Mayhem: Thor and Peace
by Barbra Annino - Link: http://a.co/gJyzXbX

Magic and Mayhem: Sh*t My Vampire Says
by Michele Bardsley - Link: http://a.co/itk0005

Magic and Mayhem: Stop Your Witchin'
by Deanna Chase - Link: http://a.co/aZl3trR

Magic and Mayhem: If the Wand Fits
by Saranna DeWylde - Link: http://a.co/17APcnN

Magic and Mayhem: Mr. & Mrs. Shift
by Renee George - Link: http://a.co/gL50C21

Magic and Mayhem: The Witched Away Bride
by Heather Long - Link: http://a.co/5kg6ff3

Magic and Mayhem: There's No Place Like Wicked
by Cherie Marks - Link: http://a.co/gv2OvPz

Magic and Mayhem: What A Witch Wants
by Monette Draper Michaels - Link: http://a.co/13rckh9

Magic and Mayhem: Witch With An Axe To Grind
by Isabel Micheals - Link: http://a.co/72jXiDo

Magic and Mayhem: Sammie Jo
by Julia Lake Mills - Link: http://a.co/8U3uy0T

Magic and Mayhem: Witchy and the Beast
by Virginia Nelson - Link: http://a.co/eApZSH9

Magic and Mayhem: Once Bitten, Twice Shy
by Teresa Reasor - Link: http://a.co/3tDpEym

Magic and Mayhem: Secrets, Lies, and Meatballs
by Jordan K. Rose - Link: http://a.co/5WGYa1A

Magic and Mayhem: The Incompetent Witch and The Missing Men
by DC Dave Thome  - Link: http://a.co/91GnH5s

How it all began....
FREE!!!
Switching Hour: Magic and Mayhem Book One
by Robyn Peterman - Link: http://a.co/f2iAILE

Don't trust Pinterest...No Heat Curls/Bantu curls

Okay, apparently I did this wrong.  In my defense, Pinterest didn't TELL me to put all the swirls in one direction.

The picture (of the girl with the perfect curls that bounced merrily around her head in graceful waving wonder) just told me to spin my hair around, twirling it into coils.  Then I was supposed to use two bobby pins, criss crossing them (I like that the bobby pin directions were so specific whereas the twirling directions were NOT) and then sleep on that wet twirled hair and maaaagically my hair would look like hers.

My hair looked like hers when it was all twirled.  I was like...SUCCESS!  I'm gonna have some badass curl action going on in the morning. YEAH, who's a sexy author?  This kid!

The reality was...the tutorial SHOULD have been more specific insofar as the swirls all needed to go the same direction.  Mine didn't.  So mine looked less gracefully perfect than hers.  Mine looked like THIS...Before and aaaafter. 

I can only think that the Pinterest lady knew this was going to happen to my head.  Somewhere, she is slapping her knee and super happy about my lack of knowledge when it comes to hair swirling.  Actually...it looks somewhat like it should AFTER a swirly.  If you don't know what a swirly is, kids, well, you weren't a nerd in school and good for you.  Go make Pinterest tutorials for people, you winner you.

In any case, tomorrow I shall try the sock bun curling method.  Pictures to follow. 

This may be a new regular thing on my blog...when Pinterest suggestions go horribly wrong.

Meh, until tomorrow...I'm going to try to tame my suddenly ginormous hair.
Happy Writing!!

Funny Things Kids Say- Christmas Edition

Snow is falling with a gentle pitter patter outside that sounds like the whole world is saying, "Hush!" Even me, who has a very strong love-hate relationship with the white stuff, can't help but see it and think of Christmas.

Not that I have gotten any of my decorations up yet. This is the oddball year all around. Where usually my decorations go up the day after Halloween, this year I told the kids we were cleaning the attic first...

So it is the day before December hits and still no tree.

But this hasn't stopped the kids from getting in the spirit of things. They made letters to Santa last night.

Previous years have gotten me some memorable letters to the fat red home invader. For instance, David one year asked Santa to help his grandpa walk again (the year my dad had his stroke) and last year David asked for cornbread. After opening an amazing amount of presents (including things like a telescope...) David still looked sort of sad and lost. I asked him what was wrong.

"Santa forgot the cornbread."

So I know when the letters come out that I am in for a giggle.

This year, JFAB asked Santa to send one of his evil elves (Who knew he had evil elves?) to come down and take care of the dog that keeps crapping on her bike. Y'see, as she explained to the man in red, she knows it isn't her dog doing it. The crap is the wrong size.

(She also asked for a new house for her mom because her mom needed a study and an ipad. Smart kiddo, that one.)

Justice asked for a spiked leather collar, a flaming skull hoodie and a skirt with skulls on it. The scary child doesn't fall far from the scary tree?

Ash wrote this:

Dear Santa,
Can you please get me some stuff please? You do not have to but it would be really nice if you did. Here is a list if you would like to/
1. Lego's (any kind but I suggest the big stuff)
2. Amazon Kindle (Note from mom: Yes, he wrote Amazon. Smart shoppers, my kids)
3. PSP
4. PSP games
5. Sonic Screwdriver
6. Webkinz
7. Diary of a Wimpy Kid books (Look at my shelves and not those ones.)
8. Lego Dr. Who Tardis
9. Phineas and Ferb Soundtrack and Movie
10. Acen Figures (Mom translation: Action figures)
Thank you, your friend and believer
Ashton
(And then he drew a cartoon at the bottom with Santa, a tree and Santa is telling the kids to have a good day. Less disturbing than JFAB's sunbathing hairy Santa on vacation after Christmas...)

David cracked me up, as usual.
David's Christmas List (This was the header on the page)
1. Amazon Kindle
2. Slappy (mom note: this is a ventriloquist dummy from Goosebumps books)
3. Sonic screwdriver (11th Doctor)
4. Legos (any)
5. Comic books (any Marvel)
6. Walking Dead comics
7. Diary of a Wimpy Kid (last straw)
8. Freddy Kruger Figure
9. Origami book
10. Scary books on Kindle (Stephen King)
11. Bakugon
Merry Christmas Santa. Tell the elves hi and say hi to the halflings if they exist. Have a nice day and don't hurt yourself on the way down.
Sincerely,
David
P.S. Please send a letter back explaining how you go down the chimney please!!!
(Below all this there is a cartoon with an elf yelling ABORT ABORT!! We got A WAKER!! and a child with eyes literally popping from his head screaming AHHHH THERE IS A MAN IN MY CHIMNEY!! while Santa's butt is sticking out of a chimney with the words HO HO HO floating down in a cartoon bubble. The whole scene is made merry with a tree topped with a star.)

All in all... I love kids and Christmas.
Happy Holidays all. And may your kids amuse you as much as mine do me.