Wednesday, January 4, 2012
How to be a quitter
I am good at being stubborn.
Even when it is stupid.
I have a huge internet confession to make-
I have been a smoker for almost half my life.
So this year, I decided I was done. I decided to ask my doctor for Chantix to help me make the change and set everything up for my own success.
And then I read the Chantix box.
It can cause strange dreams, depression and is a little scary sounding.
More scary than dying of lung cancer? Probably not. But when your mind is the most important bit in your personal tally of great traits, scary nonetheless. (Although I confess, as a writer, the strange dreams seems like it almost be more of a perk than a downfall.)
What if I loose that special something that makes me a writer? What if it messes with who I am rather than just my bad habit?
So I stalled. Stupid, but I stalled. I have had that box of Chantix and not taken that final step to TAKE one.
Today was the day. Today I took my first Chantix, risking everything to try to accomplish my goal.
(I am still curious about the strange dreams...Strange according to who? Because I can say, honestly, most of my dreams are pretty darn strange to begin with.)
Part of me still wants to rebel. I am NOT a quitter.
I am a writer. We are ALLOWED to smoke too much and drink far too much coffee. It is almost an expected portion of the stereotype.
But today, a bigger part of me has decided that I AM a quitter. My health has sucked for a long time... Maybe this will help. I deserve to see my kids grow up. I deserve to not die gasping.
Will this be easy?
Oh, hell no.
But I am going to do it.
I am going to apply my bullheaded stubborness to it and kick its ass.
What are you quitting this new year?