Things that make me go hmm...

Things that make primates go hmm...

Suspend your disbelief for a minute and go on a little trip with me...

To the land of author imagination where I ask questions that have as little basis in actual science and logic as humanly possible.

Travel

Why have our cell phones shrunk, but cars haven't? Since gas is expensive, you'd think we'd be riding along in tiny lightweight things and moving at far faster speeds since we wouldn't be hauling a ton of metal with us. Not so. I know, I know...lighter weight means that bigger heavy cars could smush you like a bug...But not if you were so fast they couldn't catch you.

Planes haven't shrunk either. Actually, there are a lot of cases


Someday, maybe you can fit your car in your pocket.
 By then, though, your phone will be the size of Mt. Everest.

where we get in a room and sit there for a while and then are magically somewhere else. A car. A truck. A plane. A boat...although sometimes you just go in a big circle and then end up right where you started. I guess boats are sometimes the elevator of travel experiences.

Speaking of elevators, doesn't that make all cars/trucks/planes boats a lot like our own personal TARDISes? We hop in and magically are somewhere else.

Except we travel across space instead of time.

Gardening

So, there was this thing called the industrial revolution in which all the farmers moved off tending the land and went to cities to be part of big business.

Now it is trendy to have a farm.

How did digging holes and playing with manure go from being something hard you did for survival to something cool people did to stay trendy?

Plague doctors liked to dress up like Big Bird.

Clothes

Clothes were originally intended as things to ward off the elements and cover our nekked bits. Then they became fashion...

Most fashion makes sense. Well, some, anyway. Did you know that in the medieval world, a woman's forehead and neck were sexy as shit? Then in Victorian days, a woman wouldn't dare show her ankle as it might drive a man into a sexual frenzy.

Now we're bothered by a chick who wants to get a little groovy with a foam finger.

No one is bothered by her blatant display of ankle or forehead.

Just sayin.

Parenting

So, parents used to spank their kids. Then that became child abuse and you shouldn't spank your kids. Now, according to tons of memes and posts, people want others to spank their kids because they don't listen.

I'm a parent. Kids don't listen. There's this disruption between their ears and their brains (I'm pretty sure it's made up of horny hormones, but I'm not a scientist) which won't allow them to hear a damn lick of sense until they're in their twenties.

My take on spanking? Dude, why the hell do you care? Make your own decisions because trends are gonna come and go...

Just make sure they cover their ankles so they don't turn into sex maniacs.

No, I don't condone abuse (dear God, the shitstorm I just set up with those comments), but I do think if people stopped worrying so much about what others were doing and focused on their own families, they'd probably have to worry a hell of a lot less about the whole debate and more about the ankle thing.

This.
This is why I'm not talking about dieting.

Dieting

I like bacon. And chocolate. So I'm reasonably sure I shouldn't have any opinions on dieting.

Duck Dynasty

So, people created this dandy box full of lights that shows stuff. I remember (thumps cane on floor) back in my day, we only had a few channels and those channels turned off at a certain hour (no informercials for the insomniac or video on demand) and some people had to get up to change the channel (Usually the youngest was the one stuck with this horrid task)...

No more! Now you can turn on hundreds of stations zapped to your light box from all over the world. You can watch news, you can watch shopping, you can see how to turn a pallet into a time machine!!

Me? I like to watch this one family who is extremely real.

So do a lot of other folks.

My thoughts there? Back in the day, folks would sit outside the general store and watch the comings and goings of others. My 84 year old dad still sits for hours watching the folks come and go at the local grocery store. He even has binoculars so if my local people feel like someone is watching...there is. It's my dad.

Duck Dynasty is all that. So, if you're ever tired of paying your cable bill, grab you a lawn chair and a cold glass of iced tea and camp out at the local Wally World. Free tv.

You're welcome.

This collection of randomosity was brought to you by procrastination...
Not writing books or doing homework and instead spreading insanity to the internet one keystroke at a time.

Attack of the fog...Photoblog

Sick Author haz a Sick

Me and Heather Long

I've heard of concooties but I'm pretty sure this isn't that. I think it's a combo of my kids cooties (thank you, public school system, for your diligence in your quest to keep our immune systems occupied), change in climate (according to foursquare, I traveled more than a thousand miles each way), and normal post-con-tired, but I'm coughing, sweatin', snottin', and I'm chugging cough syrup like it's coffee.

Jeanie!

Good times, right?

It's meant that I've been sort of quiet since there's codeine in my cough syrup and one doesn't like to look a little drunk online.  Kind of ruins one's rep and all that jazz.

So...photoblog.

Man-wich

I hopped on a plane last week and flew into Dallas/Fort Worth.  I kind of tried to backwards run into Dakota Cassidy.  Had I not contacted her at the last minute...I might have a picture of her, a signed Starbucks napkin or something else jazzy to show you.  I forgot she lived in Dallas.  *headsmack* I'm a terrible fangirl.  But, hey, I remember to read her books.  Maybe I'm a good fan after all.

On my way, someone cut a fiberoptic cable in the tower...adding a massive delay.  So by the time the fantastic Heather Long picked me up, I was so frazzled, I shoved my luggage into her car, snapped in, panted for a second and then, like a brontosaurus who just got his tail kicked, faced her and said something classy like, "ZOMG! You're really you!"

Riverwalk in Rivercenter Mall

Luckily, she'd talked to me for something like a year so my brand of weird was not terribly stunning to her.  I also got to meet Jeanie, Goddess of Shoes and Dynamic Personality of the Year.  This lady is not only stunningly beautiful, which you can see in her Marilyn Monroe-esque photos, she's just as NICE as she is pretty.  It's mind boggling.

So, then we road tripped to the Menger.  I went totally tourist, since the last time I was in Texas I saw three things: The San Antonio Airport, The Road to Lackland, Lackland Air Force Base.

I didn't shoot JR.

I did not see a single armadillo.  Apparently it was too cold for them.  Since I figured they'd be as common as squirrels, I was bummed.  I saw a TON of hawks.  TON.

They also advised me they're in a drought which was why the grass was dead.  I don't think if you watered what they were calling grass, it would turn into what we up north consider grass...but that's just a Yankee talkin.  I saw cactus, too, and everyone kept telling me it was 'cold.' *snicker*  Yeah, it wasn't cold.  There were a few days where it was chilly.  Cold?  No snot freezing in your nostrils weather for the Texans.  It kind of reminded me of Colorado, to be honest.

I remembered...

I got to be in a man-wich.  These beautiful guys are Ellora's Cave Cavemen.  Aside from being handsome fellas, they were both super nice.  *waves to the guys*

The Menger was haunted.  That was badass.  Just sayin.  And the conference was awesome.  If you go look at my facebook wall, my twitter feed, my instagram feed...you can see a TON of pics of authors, pubs, editors I fangirl squeed all over.  I met bloggers, reviewers, readers...and a really cool Irish family.

I got to go to South Fork. Saw the Alamo.  The Riverwalk.  Oh, and that guy?  He doesn't know you're looking at him.

Okay, I'm off to chug more hydromet syrup.

Later, lovies.

Happy Writing!

This guy doesn't know you're all looking at him.  Shhh...