How to become a USA Today bestseller, written by a USA Today bestseller

I was just having this conversation with my friend, and I realized that there are a LOT of myths and otherwise globs of misinformation about how to become a bestseller out there. I figured I'd try to squash a few of them, or as many as I can think of while I'm writing this.

Abby wrote a good book, but no list yet.

1. The secret to becoming a bestselling author is to write a really good book.

Not true, yet true at the same time. Yes, it is the goal of a writer, as an artist, to perfect their craft to write the very best book they can. But I've seen great books that sold ten copies and not so great books that sold millions. Not all good books become bestsellers and not all bestsellers are good books. Regardless of whether your book sells the ten thousand or the ten copies, I personally think you should write the best book you can. Why, if it won't guarantee success? I saw a sign in a factory where I once worked that read, "It takes 6 months to win a customer. It can take as little as 6 seconds to lose one." Now, writing books isn't factory work, but the same premise holds true. How many horrible books have you read that made you sure you'd never pick up that author again? How many meh books? Yeah, write good books. Write the best you can for yourself and for your readers... but this isn't a guaranteed way to hit the list, so... myth.

2. Only books that have been extensively edited and rewritten can become bestsellers.

Sometimes, sure. Other times, it seems like the editor was asleep at the wheel, but look at that book go! Editing is important, though, and if you didn't catch why... go reread #1 on this list. One bad book can be the thing to turn off what would've been your biggest fan. Avoid putting sloppy stuff on the market for your own good, but it still won't guarantee you a list.

3. You have to have an agent to become a bestseller.

An agent can help. I tried for one, back in the day, and I'll likely try for one again. Negotiating contracts is HARD and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying or trying to sell you something. Having an agent means you're less likely (stuff can always go awry) to sign a contract that isn't in your best interest and it increases your chances at getting an advance. That said, I know lots of agented authors who haven't yet hit a list and lots of unagented authors who have (like me.) So, although having another person on your team, fighting for you and believing in you, is great... it doesn't guarantee you're going to hit a list. Sorry.

4. You have to know someone. It is all a Catch 22. You have to have been published to get an agent. To get published you need

Abby lives with a bestseller, but, alas... she has no time
to read a book written by a pug.

an agent. You just can't win unless you know someone.

Now, I know some people. Not well, but I don't always get blank stares when I introduce myself, which is nice. However, when I started this journey? I knew no one. I was just a little lost soul in no where, Ohio, who fumbled around and kept writing the best books I could. I got published before I got an agent by submitting books and not dwelling for too long over rejections. There was no secret handshake, or if there is one... no one has taught it to me yet. So, yeah, you don't have to know someone to hit a list. Also, if you do know someone, sending your 200k erotic romance to them likely won't do a whole lot for your career. Sending your book off to another author in the hopes that they can get you on a list won't do much at all, really. Publishers publish books. Most authors either only self pub or work with publishers or some magical combination of both. Unless the author you're sending your book to is also a publisher (of other people's books, not just their own), sending them your work isn't really the way to do things. 

5. You can only become a bestseller if you're with X publisher.

I know indie bestsellers. I know traditional bestsellers. I know small press bestsellers...
If there was one magical publisher who could guarantee you a list by simply signing on the dotted line, everyone would publish solely with them and not bother with any other method. I've often compared publication with cooking spaghetti. You throw the noodles at the wall and hope they stick. If they don't stick, keep cooking. If they do, do a little dance but remember you have to feed the family tomorrow, too, so... keep cooking. 

Abby likes spaghetti, but she throws none at the wall. She just eats it all.

6. The publishers know when a book is going to be a bestseller. If they offer you a contract, you're golden.

Not so, although I wish this were true. My bestseller? It was rejected by three houses before it got picked up by its current home. Nothing changed about the book. One publisher stated over-saturation of the market and said that, if I resubbed in a couple years, they'd think about it. But at that time, they had to pass. Another stated--hang on, lemme check... Oh, yeah, "regrettably we feel that your story and characters are not sufficiently developed for publication." Nothing changed about the book, but it took a publisher that believed in it enough to give it a shot. Even then, they didn't know the book would hit like it did. They were hopeful. I was hopeful. But we were all just throwing those noodles at the wall and hoping they would stick. 

The original cover for Prince when it listed

7. Cover art is the key. You have to have a cover that is fabulous and really sticks out to make it on the list.


The week my book released, my publisher released another book with a cover that I personally liked better than my own. Both were pretty sexy, but all of the covers in that line are of the same nature. My book cover wasn't magically different than any other nor was it exactly the same as the other books on the list that week. It was a good cover, but it wasn't the best ever. I've seen some truly awesome covers on the lists and I've seen a lot of meh ones. Cover art is great and it seriously might help some, but at the end of the day... there is always one a little better and if the cover is great and the book isn't... readers notice. So, yeah, cover art isn't the silver bullet either.


Basically, I don't think anyone knows which books are going to be the ones that will soar and which ones will have only a cult following by four devoted fans. I wish there were easy answers. I know that the magical formula does seem to include the market being hungry for whatever it is you've written, using an original voice, writing a good story that is well-edited and clean, and then managing to make it be seen in the flood of books published daily. But even if you do all those things, there are no guarantees.

My story, While You Were Writing, is a GREAT story. I'm insanely proud of that book. The cover art was great, it is a contemporary romance that is probably some of my best work, and it was promoted to the best of my ability. It never had half the success of The Penthouse Prince.  If I knew why, I'd fix it, promise. The best I can say to you, if you're hoping to become a bestseller, is keep writing. Keep dreaming big. Keep honing your craft. One day, your spaghetti will stick to the wall. I believe in you.

Can you think of any surefire ways to become a bestseller? Lemme know in the comments section below, because mama needs a new pair of sneakers.

xoxo and happy writing,
virg

Query Letter 101

The last time I wrote on this topic was in 2011, so I figured perhaps a refresher blog might be handy.

SO, you wrote then next big thing, huh?

That's awesome! You could let it just live on your hard drive forever, maybe preserve it in the Cloud where it will be safe for all time or at least until a gamma ray burst knocks out the grid, leaving the world in a post-apocalyptic hell in which no one has the time for reading since they're too busy trying to find their missing eyeballs because of the mutations and...

Author Fuel

No? You want to send it to agents and publishers? Are you sure? Because that means you can get rejected, even if Aunt Sally said it was the best thing she's ever read that wasn't written on a recipe card. It also means that if you do get published, some people are going to love it, sure, but others are going to call you a hack. You know all that? You still want to publish? You LIKE Ramon noodles?

Well, okay then. If you're sure.


Querying

Scary stuff. Okay, I'm lying. Writing a query letter is like riding a bike. The first time you do it, you're afraid you're going to scab your knees, hurtle over the handlebars and eat pavement, whatever. With time, you just sling your leg over the seat and away you go.

The first time I sent one, I actually looked up what is a query before I started writing. My earliest queries, even with tons of hours logged researching good ones, were terrible. Do I have it down now? Meh, I'm not too shabby. More importantly,  I'm not afraid of writing them anymore, and you shouldn't be either.

What is a query?

A query (also called a query letter, book solicitation, literary prostitution, or spam) or is a a one page introduction to your work and you written to a publisher or a literary agent (or Bob down in the mail room.)

Think of it as something like,"Hello, there. I'm Sam. I write books!"

(Author's Note: If you send those exact words out to an agent or publisher and they reject you, yeah, don't blame me. If they contract you for being so concise, please remit 5% of your royalties to me. kthxbai)

In one page, you have to present a compelling book blurb, include a catchy hook that will stick in their brain like flea on a dogs bum, recite your writing credentials (if you have any), explain why you think you are a good person to have written this book, and list the vital statistics of the manuscript.

No 7pg queries!

IN ONE PAGE.

No one is going to read a seven page query. To be realistic, they probably don't have the time even if they wanted to try. If you find someone willing to read seven pages of query letter, please correct me in the comment section below.  

(Author's Note: I posted this same offer in the original blog in 2011. No one commented that they'd found the magical acquisitions editor who would read that long of a query. I will add, now that I'm older and wiser, that if you do manage to find such an editor, you might not want to sign the contract they offer. My adopted dad likes to say that you don't take your car to a mechanic who is available immediately, you want the busy mechanic. His reason? The busy mechanic is busy because he does good work. Just sayin.)

But, wait, they want a synopsis, too?

They sure do. A synopsis is the one or two page condensed version of your book. Yes, it took you thousands of words to tell this story. Now you need to find a way to tell all of it, including the ending, in a couple pages. Good luck with that.

The bit about your book in the query letter is like the part of the iceberg sitting above the water. The editor/agent understands that most of the iceberg is hidden in the mysterious depths of the sea. However, if you want them to strap on some diving gear and plunge into freezing water to see the rest, the visible part in the query better be good. I often just use my planned blurb for the query.

Ask yourself these questions when deciding what to include in the query:

1. Does it capture the reader?
2. Does it sum up the basic premise and tone of your story in just a paragraph or two?
3. Do you read it and want to know more?

If it doesn't, edit it.

But I don't have any writing credentials!

Do you think anyone does when they start? That said, you probably don't want to do this:

Dear Editor,

I have never written anything before this manuscript, yet I sat down and wrote a bestseller!!! I know my book is not only going to become an international success, but it will also become a blockbuster movie within, I don't know, a week or two? Because of this, I created a line of action figures to go with the book. I used my own hair and I'm sending one with the query!!!

xoxo

Sam 

PS. I write books!!

We haz magic spoodles

Being overzealous won't win you any bonus points with an editor/agent. It will, however, give them something to talk about at the water cooler. 

If you don't have writing credentials, be honest. You don't have to list every book report you ever wrote in an attempt to look like you have background experience. You also don't have to lie.

(Author's Note: They will know, by the way. This industry looks big from the outside, but everyone seems to know everyone, so being labeled a joke or a liar? Won't serve you well.)

Try something more like this:

This story was inspired by my years as a fry cook--greasy, hot, unrewarding work, but it gave me a flexible schedule and enabled me to pursue my writing dreams.

You're not saying you're not published, but you've established your expertise regarding your topic. If you're honest, you will not irk the person reading the query. Showing them you know all about fry cooks when you've written a book about alien fry cooks who take over the world with magical spoodles... That is okay.

You mentioned vital statistics...?

I did. Yes, thanks for bringing that up. You need to include the meat and bones of what you are trying to get them to buy.

For example:  

Note to self: Write Alien Legal Assistant Fry Cook Story

Greasy Accountants--a 90k sexy, paranormal, legal suspense--includes elements of comedy as the aliens work their night jobs as fry cooks. That said, the story is a legal suspense with a strong murder mystery at it's core.

In that little passage, (please don't write a book about an alien legal assistant fry cook) we get the genre of the story, the word count and any crossover elements.

Can you give me an example?


Why sure! But I am making up another fake plot because I'm sick of the alien fry cook legal assistant one.

SAMPLE QUERY LETTER
16 August 2014

On the icy streets of Juno, evil has a name. Robert Badguy searched for women to slake his unholy thirsts, leaving a trail of bodies in his wake for more than a century. Hard-boiled detective, Janice Goodcop, is close to proving whodunit. When a handsome stranger tries to distract her from her mission, she refuses the temptation and redoubles her efforts to stop the killer. A blizzard blows into town and strands Janice in a dingy cabbage factory with Badguy, the very demon she seeks. Will Janice stop the bloody rampage, or will Badguy slake his thirst on the one woman who could have saved his soul?

Chilly Vampires is an 80k paranormal romance. These vampires don't sparkle, they chomp. A few steamy sex scenes heat up the cold Alaskan nights, but the romance is largely behind closed doors.

As the editor of my high school newspaper, I learned early on the value of comma placement. I went on to college to become the head of our monthly publication, The University Magazine. After college, I took the occasional creative writing courses at our community college, Community College. Now that the kids have grown up, I returned to my first love, writing. I hope you enjoy Chilly Vampires. Please find attached the manuscript, per your submission guidelines, as well as a two page synopsis.

Regards,
Ima Writer

That simple, but mine was all made up. Please don't make stuff up on your query letter. Well, other than plot and such.

Take your time.

If they don't like the query, they aren't going to read your synopsis. If they aren't intrigued enough to read the two page summary of your book, they're for sure not going to read the three hundred or so pages of the manuscript.

If you spend tons of time on anything, make it your query letter.
 PLEASE.
 Edit and edit and reedit.

Some links I think you might find handy besides mine:
Nathan Bransford's How to Write A Query Letter
Kristen Nelson's Blog (Includes sample query letters that landed agents)
Query Tracker (a great site for finding and keeping track of who you are sending these to)

Happy writing!

To Delete or Not to Delete, that is the question...

NaNoWriMo is in full swing. Writers are huddled over their laptops, scrabbling to hit their daily goals, which makes this post timely.

Don't Do Eeeet!!

There comes a day in every writer's world when everything they've ever written looks like a steaming pile of camel dung. When the writer gazes upon this monstrosity, this absolute insult to the English language and slap in the face of all literary genius, they must do the logical thing. Delete. Crumple and toss. Shred. Burn the words, eliminate them from existence, retire the writing cap and start a nice vegetable garden.

Instead, I'd like to offer a viable and word saving alternative.

Walk. Away.

No, don't walk, run. Close the word doc, step away from the laptop or desktop or Moleskin notebook and do your laundry. Go for a walk. Go watch a movie. Read a book.

Anything but deleting all that you've written.

Stephen King started writing Carrie, hated the girl and hated the story, tossed it in the garbage and his wife salvaged it and said, "Moar."

Well, not in those words, but I'm sure it was something like that.

Anyway, he talks about that in On Writing and mentions that his first great book, the one that changed the course of horror writing forever, started out as something he tossed in the garbage.

I can't begin to tell you how many of my stories I started writing, stopped and hated, closed...and went back to later and wrote.

Hating your work is okay.

Yesterday was one of those days for me. They happen. I have gotten to the point that I recognize when I'm wriggling in loathing and I don't write. I market, I blog, I make a meatloaf, whatever...but once I've gotten into that swing, I don't write.

When I DO mass deletions (sometimes they happen. Sometimes you really DID write garbage or that scene CAN'T go in the book...this is a reality.), I stick it in a word doc called :

(Title Of Book)_Deleted

Just in case because, sometimes, I need those words later. If I don't, swell! I deleted correctly and those words are garbage. Or maybe those words are a 'secret scene' that ends up a blog post someday. Or maybe those words will only live on the harddrive of my laptop until some autobiographer drives his hover car to my house in the year 2187 to research me. Who knows? But I don't ever just DELETE them. I might need them later.

Since we're mid NaNoWriMo and everyone is bent on hitting word count goals, I figured it was a good time to mention this. Some days, you shouldn't write. Some days the best contribution you can give literature is the deletion of words and others it's the ability to NOT write or delete. And that's okay.

There is always tomorrow.

Happy Writing! (not deleting!)

Author Problems #6

Agent/Editor Shop at the Musetracks blog!

As if the question ‘Wanna pitch to an agent or editor’ isn’t enough.

Hello! A huge thanks to all my wonderful hosts as I run all over cyberspace talking about Agent/Editor Shop at the Musetracks blog.

In this crazy world of easy access to information, it’s also easy to miss huge opportunities, or forget! Because I get so many comments that writers either forgot, or didn’t know Musetracks did pitch sessions, I asked a bunch of fellow writers, bloggers and readers to help me spread the word.

For those of you who don’t me, I’m Candi Wall, one of the authors who co-contribute to the Musetracks blog. Jennifer Bray-Weber, Marie-Claude Bourque, and Stacey Purcell are my super smart co-contributors and goodness knows where I’d be without them!

I’ve been hosting acquiring Agents at Musetracks for almost two years, and only recently, we decided to add editors as our guest. We’ve been lucky to have agents like Melissa Jeglinski, Jessica Alvarez, Mollie Glick, Becky Vinter, Kevan Lyon, Scott Eagan, Lois Winston, Jill Marsal, Michelle Grajkowski, Kimberley Cameron, Emmanuella Alspaugh (now Morgan), Laura Bradford, Jenny Bent, Sara Crowe, Weronika Janczuk and Stan Soper.

Our guest editors thus far have been Rhonda Penders w/ The Wild Rose Press, Jennifer Miller w/ Samhain Publishing, Debby Gilbert w/ Soul Mate Publishing, Beth Walker w/ Secret Cravings Publishing, and the editors at Books To Go Now have booked three dates in the future!

What we offer is a ‘Pitch Day’. I only take 30 pitches, and only the first thirty VIABLE pitches that come in on pitch day will be seen by the agent or editor. And I will warn you, I’m a stickler for following guidelines. If you don’t include exactly what is in the rules… I delete without prejudice. And I delete quite a few. (And yes, I receive plenty of hate mail.)

You can find us here:

Musetracks and there is a sidebar with Agent/Editor Shop dates and attending professionals

You can find the rules for pitching here:

Musetracks Agent/Editor Shop rules Please read them carefully!

I've also created a Yahoo group so writers can sign up to receive Agent/Editor Shop updates. I only send messages with agent/editor attendance updates, reminders of pitch dates, and any information about the contests we run on pitch day. Usually a giveaway or a chance to comment for the Top Pitch Slot. You can request to join here:

Editor/Agent Shop Newsletter Group

Easy as pie! We welcome every stage of writer and at Musetracks, we strive to help other writers, the way we were all helped when we first started out, and the way we are supported today.

Hope to see you all at a pitch day, and if not, feel free to pass the word along to others.

Happy reading and writing!

~Candi

A little about Candi:

Candi Wall is an author of contemporary romance, and YA.

Her début novel PRIMITIVE NIGHTS released from Samhain in Jan 2013, and STAY, the first in the Changing Tides series releases from Samhain on Aug 6^th 2013.

She’s a mother of four (21,17,12,9), a rescuer of six (4 dogs & 2 cats), proud auntie of too many to count, a soon-to-be grandmother and great-auntie, a retired Cub Scout leader of 16 years, an avid animal lover/protector and ex-animal control officer. Oh yeah, and wife. J

You can find her here:

www.candiwallbooks.com

Twitter | Facebook | Goodreads | Musetracks

Blurb Writing 101

I realized I haven't really done a post on blurbs in my writing tips and tricks blogs and I should have.  Really, I should have.

Vague it up much?

There is such a thing as a really good blurb.  Conversely, there are also really bad ones.  Often, when writers try to be mysterious or intriguing, tempting readers to read more...what you're really doing is being so damn vague, readers don't care.

Example 1

Darcy danced her way into fame during her stint on Broadway.  Breaking hearts and taking names, she couldn't love like she once had.

Until they came...

Did it follow the rules?

Why does that suck, Virg?

Who the hell are they?  What do they have to do with her ability to love?  What does any of that have to do with Broadway?  Why do I care? Your reader should never be left wondering why they should care.

Since you gave us none of the information needed, it sucks.  Few readers are going to be interested in such a vague blurb.

Example 2

Monsters are here.  They're among us.  Only Darcy can defeat them...but will she do it before it's too late?

Did it follow the rules?

Again, suckgasm. 

What kind of monsters?  Among who?  What the hell makes Darcy so special?  When you're writing the blurb, you should have a pretty clearcut idea who your audience is, what your genre is, what your major conflict is and you should squash all that together to intrigue the reader. Basically, your blurb should answer the 5W's and the one H.

Huh?

Who, what, when, where, why, how.  Add a hook to it, and you're done.

Again, the writer might think they're being intriguing in my examples.  They're wrong.  Too many unanswered questions isn't intriguing, it's confusing.  People who are confused aren't happy.  People who aren't happy don't like to give you money.  Just bein' honest here.

Now, let's look at one of my blurbs (since I don't really have permission to share other people's blurbs as examples.)

Sample Blurb 1 (From Dom of the Dead, coming soon from Decadent Pub)

She couldn’t imagine living without him.

When Carson Black’s longtime crush and best friend dies in a bike accident, she openly weeps at his funeral. Never expressing her feelings for him, she thinks she might be going mad from grief when his voice, his scent, his desires…seem to fill her apartment.

He was afraid to demand what he needed.

Randall Stokes loves Carson but didn’t express it while he was alive. A dominant, he didn’t dare dream that the sweet girl next door would do the things that he needed to find satisfaction. When tragedy strikes, he not only has nothing to lose but a suddenly clear view into what she needs, wants, desires. Is it too late to take what they’ve both longed for?

A ghost of a chance…

Love lingers, though his body is gone. Can Carson and Randall find love in the Dom of the Dead?

 

Did it follow the rules?

 

Do we know, based on that blurb, who?  Yup, Carson and Randall.  Where?  Okay, vague there. Why?  Because he died.  What?  Something about Bdsm and love. When?  Contemporary--the motorcycle.  How?  Apparently he's haunting her.

 

Although I answered all these questions, I've left dangling ones.  Is it too late to fall in love with a dead man's ghost?  Well, you'll have to read it to find out.  But I didn't leave so many questions unanswered that readers are sitting there asking themselves what my book is even about.

 

Sample Blurb 2 (From Proper Care and Feeding of a Sex God, coming in March 2013 from Champagne Books)

 

Being a sex god isn't easy...

Yes has been a sex god for centuries. No one wrote stories or songs about him but they sure do remember to call out his name at the peak of pleasure. Satisfying the world by fulfilling their carnal needs, he is no stranger to Aphrodite's Island. When his sister, troublemaker that she is, calls him home for what she deems a 'special' job, he shudders to think what she could want.

Being frigid is worse...

Katie can't get off. She's determined it's physically impossible. She's tried everything--toys, men, women, flogging. It's just not happening. Finding an ad for a tropical island promising 'ultimate fantasy experiences' she figures it's worth a shot. It's not going to work, but it's worth a shot.

Passion beyond her wildest dreams...

Who knew the one man who can trip her trigger would refuse to touch her? The more he backs off, the more he tempts her. Katie is fascinated by the man Miss A has sharing her hotel room but, although he seems attracted, he won't do the deed.

Can Katie figure out The Proper Care and Feeding of a Sex God?

 

Did it follow the rules?

 

Who?  Yes and Katie.  What? A fantasy vacation with a sex god. Where? Aphrodite's Island. When? Contemporary. (Ad, toys, slang) Why? Because she can't get off and he is a sex god. How? Because Aphrodite set them up.

 

Again, it answers the questions yet still has a hook.

 

So, basically try to answer these questions to avoid being vague.  You'll still intrigue readers while not leaving them so confused they don't bother.

 

Just my advice. 

Happy Writing!!

 

 

 

I lied...and why you should know your muse.

I will NOT be over at the 1Night Stand blog today.  It got moved to Monday.  But the contest is still running to win a free copy of Taking Control over at Heather Long's blog (come talk chocolate and sex with us) and you've still got the fantastic blog over at Wendi Zwaduk's blog to comment on so...

Enjoy those and more blog hopping to come.

Till then, I figured I would talk about what I wrote yesterday.

I wrote complete crap.  It was almost four thousand words, all told, of total garbage.

I deleted the whole thing.

Yesterday the weight of the world seemed heavier than it should.  I've had a rough *cough sputter choke* August and not really allowed myself to deal with most of it emotionally.  I just chugged along, head down and shoulders tight, plowing through one problem after the next like I was a...

Plow.

None of it got me down.  I cried exactly once through all of it.  Once.  And it wasn't for any of the bad stuff.  It was when one of my crit partners read the first twelve chapters of The Were, The Witch and The Baby and said it was "magickal."  That broke me. That out of all the dogshit, something good came, broke me.

For a minute.  Then hunched shoulders again and back to plowing.

Tuesday was hard.  Wednesday...I think something shattered a little inside.  I spent the whole day just really wanting to sleep.  To go off and dream of things that had nothing to do with reality.

Nobody picked up on the fact that I was buried in a deep and overwhelming darkness yesterday.  Nobody, that is, but my crit partner.  She read my chaps from yesterday and asked if I was okay.

It showed in the work.  My voice wasn't there.  It was writing and it was passable but it was hollow and it was empty and...

I didn't realize it showed.  I thought I could do what I usually do and bury how I felt in the work.  In this case, for the very perceptive, it was screaming off the page.

(Note:  That the same crit partner said my voice is normally ebullient was a thrill.  Oh, flattery.  It will get you everywhere especially if you toss around words like ebullient.)

This morning, I deleted most of what I wrote yesterday.  Rereading it, I could see the hollow ring to the words and how it wasn't me.

The point of all this oversharing is two-fold.

First off, don't be afraid to delete.  I stole a picture off the fantastic Kelli Collin's facebook that said in large print, Editing.  In smaller print it said something like, "Making your contribution to literature."  The image?  A finger poised over the delete button.  Sometimes, everyone writes crap.  Shit happens.  *snerk*

Know your muse...Sometimes, she is screaming for a break.

Second, although writing can be crazy cathartic and cleanse your soul in a way nothing else can...sometimes it isn't.  Sometimes you are gonna have a day where you are just better off NOT writing.  Yesterday was one of those days for me.  I refused to take the day off (Take the day off. *snort* Who DOES that?) and because of it, I wasted my time.  I probably wasted my crit partner's time because I wrote crap.  Everyone would have still had that time if I just listened to my gut, put on my shoes and gathered my kids and went for a walk rather than working.  We could have had a picnic.  We could have done lots of soul cleansing stuff.

Instead, I sat, drowned in my darkness and tried to be a blockhead and work through it.

Some days, you can't.

Know your muse.  If she is screaming that she is done--that too much has happened and she is drowning--give her the day off.  

Happy Writing!

I turn people on for a living...

Yesterday's post on gothic literature ties into today's on erotic.

Yes, I write smut. I turn people on for a living. Sounds easy. I hear that all the time, writing romance is easy.


The goal of the writer is to make the reader feel something. Whether it is the work of King, which drives the reader down the comfortable Main Street, Anywhere, USA, and then reveals that Anywhere is actually a horrifying place to live or the erotic novel with nipples puckered to hard points, the reader wants to be transported somewhere else.

An interesting facebook picture that someone sent (and I later had to forward) mentioned the book hangover--the feeling you get when you end a book and look around and everyone else is still going about their daily lives, unaware yours just shifted, a little, because of the emotional trauma on the page.

Not easy to do, not really, for the author.

While the goal of the gothic author is to make readers believe the impossible enough for goosebumps to raise on their arms, the goal of the romance author is to make the reader believe enough in the passion on the page that they fall in love with the characters. They fall so hard (sometimes so fast in the shorter stories) that they even can feel that rush, that high, that comes from falling. They come with the characters so deeply, they might even get turned on.

By words.

In a story.

If I wrote, "You are turned on, now," no reader would be wiping the steam from their monitors. But if I combine the words just right, I can leave a reader blushing--a physical response to a story I told.

How COOL is that?

Why do people read it? Well, humans are addicted to that feeling. Everyday life isn't full of chances to fall in love over and over so the story gives the reader the feeling without all of the complications. Someone once said to me that the genre causes woman to have unrealistic expectations, that they become addicted to the idea of romance in a book rather than the real life experience.



I laughed, not the most erudite of responses, but chocolate releases the same chemicals in the brain as sex and there aren't many ACTUAL chocolate addicts out there. We may crave it, but addiction? Yeah, not really. Nor do we try to replace the real life feeling of another person's hands on our skin with a candy bar.

Basically, what I am saying is that, yes, I turn people on for a living if I'm doing my job right. I make them fall in love with characters that only exist in my head until I let them loose in word form.

It isn't easy and it isn't something I can explain, exactly.

But if you're doing it right, those reading it will turn red.

And you know you're onto something.

Happy Writing!

From the editor's desk...

Pet Peeves

Yes, we all have them. I once found a thing online that listed a bunch of editor pet peeves and I cringed at the time realizing I was doing most of them.

Now that I know better, it's my turn to make you squirm.

*throws confetti and sharp objects*

Let's do it list style, shall we? Top Five Pet Peeves your editor will have:

5. I am SO! excited! That I am going! To end! Every sentence with !! Exclamation points!

I always wonder, when reading manuscripts like this, if the person yells a lot in real life. Think about your average day...how often do you really say something that would require an exclamation mark? Maybe when you shout, Oh My Gawd! but other than that...how many times, really? Now, if your character is dangling off the side of a cliff, hanging on by only one overgrown toenail...perhaps an exclamation mark or two is in order. But if the dialogue reads like this:

Ferdinand scratched his chin. "I don't know! Maybe I love you! Maybe we are out of milk! How should I know?"
With a flip of her auburn curls, Macy glared at him. "You should know! I bought milk when we were out! What more do you want?"

Uh...knock that shit off. It is really annoying.

4. The, wandering, commas,

This is another one that really, really confuses me. If, you have a bunch, of commas, splashed, randomly through, out, your manuscript, I can't, help, but pause, every damn, time, you type, one when, I read, it. Look up comma usage rules. Study that shit. You are making me pause too much! (see what I did there? I used an exclamation mark. Yeah, I am badass.)

3. Wash, rinse, repeat.

We all do this. Don't beat yourself up. There is that ONE WORD...that really describes what is going on in your book or how your hero looks in your head. And you use it and use it and I see it and it is all I see. Yes, her lips are juicy. But if you say juicy more than once in a small block of words and then again on the same page another juicy...after awhile even mathematically challenged readers like me start counting the juicy's. Don't make your reader count the juicy's.

2. Passive voice

I used to do this. I don't anymore. So now it sticks out like it is highlighted when others do it. Don't tell me what they were doing. What are they doing now? Using the find feature on Word, go through your manuscript and see how often you said 'was' and 'has been' or 'had' and if it pops up a whole bunch...

You're passive. Get active. Bring me into the scene with you. I want to see how juicy it is! (Heheh...double whammy.)

1. Head hopping

I am the poster child for the head hop. I used to be terrible about head hopping...I bounced over here and over there...all of it was really important stuff but it looks better from over here...and over there...

It was like tennis but without the cute little tennis costumes.

To this day, I swap perspectives. I almost always start out writing a story in first person and swap to third...and stay in third for the rest of the book. (I know, pov change and head hopping are two different things. I maintain that they are related in the writerly brain and if you are doing one, you are probably guilty of the other.) Lucky for me, my crit partners are great at catching me at this and stopping that stuff before it goes out the door...(Except Hypnotist-- for some reason, although one of my crits warned me that I had done it again... I submitted it with the first/third swap still in the manuscript. It has since been rewritten but...gah...they caught it and I STILL didn't fix it before someone else saw it.)

So, again, everyone does it. But we shouldn't do it. It, is bad, juicy, wrong! stuff. (I did a lot there...did you catch it?)

What are your pet peeves when you are reading other people's work? What are your weak points?

Happy writing!

Rock your Blog Tour!!

I'm not sure I have mentioned my favorite social media marketing guru, Lisa, over here on the

blog. If I haven't, today is a great day to do it.

Here it is, absolutely FREE!

All the information and connections you need to schedule and execute the blog book tour that will put your new release on bestseller lists.

Click here to download the PDF

Please use the sharing buttons below and/or share this free handbook and link (http://bit.ly/Rockbbt) with your friends!

Yeah, she tells you tons of stuff for free that can help launch your book. I have been a loyal devotee to Lisa for years and I contribute most of my success to copycatting her or just learning from her experience. I wouldn't mention this to you if she hadn't helped me so much over the years...I only support that which I know from personal experience works. So...check it out!!

Happy writing!

Spring Cleaning!

Okay, the title of this blog may be slightly misleading. I am not going to give you advice on how to clean your house just like I wouldn't give you advice on cooking. I am about as far from Martha or Betty Crocker as anyone can possibly get and still be a functional adult.

I don't cook if I can help it (and in 2012, there are a lot of ways to help it. I could write a whole blog on how to avoid cooking...maybe tomorrow.) and we clean our house top to bottom every Sunday and only vacuum or do dishes in between...so my house is far from what Martha would like.

But if you are on this adventure of writing with me, cleaning might be something you need to do. People are often surprised by the many pots I have going in the writing world (I keep up the bloggie, I have five contracts so far for 2012 and only 2 are re-releases and two more contracts in the works on other new stories...not to mention the wips, the reviewing and the editing.) and with the writing, I still have the kids (two of whom charter school) and am a full time student myself.

So organization is really important to me in the writing world (although this past couple weeks, between Spring Break, my mom and my little court fun with the exhub, I have been admittedly frayed) and spring cleaning of your writing files is always worth a minute to talk about.

Writing Files

I think I invented that term but if you are going to get serious about writing for a living, then you should borrow it. It is pretty easy to create a folder on your desktop for each story you write. In that file, you can stick your notes on the manuscript, any research you did, pictures that inspired you while you were writing...and once you sell the manuscript, you can use the same file to keep all of your edits, cover art and such in that one folder.

But you should have other files as well.

For instance, I have a file called submission stuff.


Submission stuff has a word doc in it that I made a chart on that has a list of publishers. Why do you need a chart with a list of publishers? So you can keep track of Publisher A who accepts manuscripts from 3k-100k, what genres, what is their royalty rate and how often do they pay out, what they want in their submissions (synopsis, first three chapters and a query)...and Publisher B who only accepts 10k-150k and perhaps has a different set of guidelines.

I call that doc in my computer something like "Publisher Guidelines" and I track all the pubs who I have worked with or ones I am considering submitting to in the future...as well as who I contact and their email addy...and everyone who rejected me in the past. This way, I know, within a few clicks, who to submit my newest story to.

Then, once you have a few manuscripts out there in various states, you should make another chart. I call this one "Subs Sent and Responses" and I use it to track my completed manuscripts.

It has six columns and I broke it down like this...(If you click on it, you can read it clearer)



The columns are: Title of Work Submitted, Genre, Submitted To, Date, AutoResponse, Response. So, in a glance, I can see that I submitted ManuscriptA to Publisher A, when, if their system sent me back an autoreply and if they accepted or rejected it...or if it is still floating out there undetermined.

If I compare this doc to my Publisher file, I can see how long it should take for them to reply according to both their website and my previous experience with them.

Once they have accepted the manuscript, we move over to yet another of my Submission Stuff files...Edits and Release Dates.

This doc tracks ManuscriptA which was contracted by PublisherB on January 1, that came back for edits on Febuary1, when the cover art came in, and what contests I held prior to release.

Why is this file handy? Well, if you have more than one manuscript out with more than one publisher, you need to keep track of your own due dates and marketing so that you can compare sales to when you did different things. Not to mention, over a period of time it helps you build up expectations as to when they are going to send things back on future manuscripts.

How organized are your files? Do you know what is blinking red because it is overdue?

Happy writing!

Contractions

The only time in my life that I didn't get dinged for lack of contractions was while at least one person in the room was shouting, "PUSH!!"

Each and every stinkin round of edits ever to cross my desk has mention of my utter inability to tell a story and include contractions.

Sadly, I don't think in contractions. (I just used one...to prove I CAN use them. I don't like to but I CAN.)

The point? Every writer has a weakness.

Overuse of 'that word'

In my edits, crits, editing other peoples work and in chatting with author friends, I have found that we all tend to find one word that for some reason in our heads just sums up the story wonderfully. It might be juicy. Or smooth. Or slide. Or lubricious.

And for whatever reason, we say it twenty gazillion times.

I don't know why the writerly mind does this. But we do it. And NONE of us realizes we do this. There we are, happily clickity clacking away and overusing the shit out of lubricious and don't realize we have said it twenty times on THIS PAGE ALONE.

Why? Why do we do it?

I don't know. All I can say is thank the gods above for editors, crit partners and the occasional friend who is kind enough to ask both, "Uh, what the hell does lubricious mean?" and "Why the hell do you keep saying it?"

We also may overuse a technique...be it a sentence structure, a dialogue tag or something else. If you get dinged either in crits or in edits for this...author friends, do not shed a tear because I can tell you from my VAST (okay, not vast but pretty damned extensive) research that we all do it.

The same mistake...every effin time

Like my contraction issue. Yeah, some of us are smart enough to correct their mistakes over time.

Some of us just keep doing the same damn thing over and over again. The best I can tell you there is PRAY that your crit readers know your weakness and SEE your weakness and CATCH it before it gets contracted. Otherwise...your editor will and...well, yeah. Then you are me and you just get to beat your head off your desk wondering what the hell is so hard about writing a damn CONTRACTION now and again???

Or whatever your personal weakness is...

Not that contractions would be something that ANYone with a sane and rational mind would NOT use...

Freakin frakking stupid contractions...

I guess my point in this rant is that... we all make mistakes. And when we get our edits back we all beat our heads against our desks... or the handy brick wall...and wonder how in the hell we could have done something so amazingly STUPID.

But, uh, neat point, folks?

If you are doing edits...

You are doing something lots of people NEVER do. Lots of people talk about writing a book. Lots of other people actually go so far as to sit down and write PART of a book.

A few actually get determined enough to finish one.

Out of those few, a few will get the balls to submit it.

And out of those few, only a handful ever get a contract.

So if you are editing and feeling sort of lamers because you made a really stupid mistake...

Uh, you are pretty fucking cool to even have gotten to that point. Go get you some chocolate. Do a little dance. Then get your damn edits done. Cuz you rock, cupcake.

Happy writing. Or in this case, editing.

The smell of DaFeet

I love baby feet. They are so tiny and super soft.

My youngest son currently has feet you can literally smell from across the room.

I did say that I loved baby feet.

I brought up the subject of feet because I got a rejection yesterday.

I had such mixed feelings about this particular rejection, it triggered a blog. And spaghetti sauce. Lemme start at the beginning.

I have four contracts right now. Four. Not shabby for an author who, on December first, found out her publisher was closing it's doors and that in this case, loyalty equaled putting all my eggs in one basket... and my basket had just broken.

I am also an editor and a reviewer. And a full time college student. And a single mom of three kiddos, two of which go to a charter school at home.

To say that things have been hectic this January would be a bit like walking outside during a blizzard and saying, "Hmm... Look, there is a snowflake."

So seeing the letter regarding a synopsis that I had sent out on a book that I am nearly done writing (Read: Have not finished writing not to mention polished as much as I personally prefer before my work sees daylight so gaaah!!), I said out loud, "Shit!"

If they had accepted it, then I had to finish it up fast and shove it out the door, polish be damned.

And then I read the email. They had (very nicely, I might add, in a really thoughtful manner) rejected it. And I said, "Thank God."

And then the usual mess of authoremotions kicked in. "Why did they reject me? Maybe I am not good enough. Gah, I suck. They knew it. I know it. Hells, it is for the best. At least my massive suckitude won't be released on the public for them to tear me to shreds as I so deserve..."

Yeah. I mentioned it was sort of a mixed bag of emotions? It was. Really.

So I plodded out to the kitchen, still in my jammies, and made spaghetti sauce.

I am Italian and my grandfather, Guisseppe Sabatina, came over from Italy (or so my mother has told me) and married his little Dutch girl. My mother put red sauce on everything. There was something soothing about the familiarity of the gestures-- frying the meat, adding the spices... tasting the sauce.

And I called my best friend. She pointed out that our motto is that everything happens for a reason. My plate right now is filled to overflowing and I have other projects I have to work on. Deadlines I have to meet. More time to work on this one was a blessing, not a bad thing.

Between the smell of the sauce and the sound of her voice and it was like the miasma of mixed up feelings lifted.

The smell of dafeet wasn't too much to bear. It wasn't a defeat, not really. To quote Damon, from Vampire Diaries, "It is right. It's just not right now."

Why am I telling you guys all this?

I know you all get rejected, too. And I know it sucks. This wasn't my first rejection--far, far, far from it. And it is easy to say don't take them personally. Don't take bad reviews personally. Just keep going.

But if you are having a bad day or whatever... and it happens... it isn't easy to shake off.

Not for anyone.

Find the thing that helps you find your center.

Make the spaghetti sauce. Or play basketball. Or a video game. Or have sex. Whatever trips your trigger.

And then look at it again.

Because then you can keep going.

Okay, Happy writing!

Sick kids vs. productivity

This week, I had the joy of sick kiddos. Projectile vomit, for those of you who have no kids, is actually projectile. And it hasn't ceased to amaze me, after nearly fifteen years of being a mother, to see a child shoot anything the length of their body. The muscle control... Yeah, no wonder their stomach hurts afterwards.

I guess I didn't go to enough parties in college. Probably I would have learned how amazing the human body was earlier had I just gone to more keggers.

That said, I still managed to get an epic amount of work done. Which brings me to my point...

If you train yourself to expect certain things daily, you will expect them in times of adversity as well.

What the hell do I mean? No worries. I fully intend to explain.

A runner gets up and trains their body to expect to run. If they skip that run, they will feel as crappy as I would if I tried to run five miles. Their body wants that run, that adrenaline rush. Without it, it complains.

The same thing goes for your writing and productivity in whatever goal you set for yourself. If you set the bar about yeaaah high. Every day you hit the bar...

You will find that on days when you feel like crap or when life gets in the way, you are driven to at least hit that bar.

The secret to being a writer, the real secret, really is writing. Every day. Something.

Even if it is just a blog. Even if it is just editing what you wrote yesterday. Even if you are just writing something inane. It trains you to do it and do it daily.

No one that I know of can write an 80/90k book in a day. (And believe me, I know some people with some crazy prolific daily word counts.) But most anyone can write 1k. A lot of people can write 5-7k.

If you do that everyday, how many days before you hit the 90k?

Your first book might just suck.

Really, just like your first marathon run might be challenging just to complete. There is a chance no one will buy it. And even if it doesn't suck and someone buys it, maybe it needs lots of technical stuff overhauled.

But if you fix that stuff and keep writing, you will continue to suck less and less. Until writing is something that comes as naturally as breathing.

Most of my blogs are about 1k long. If you sit and ponder that a little, it sounds long. Daily writing 1k about whatever is going on or writing advice...

But that is what I do. I write.

And you can, too. But it has to be something you are willing to work for.

Okay, happy writing, all.

Writing is Easy (a job?)

Someone (who shall remain nameless) recently said to me that it must be nice not to have to work and just go to school.

Well, I have to agree. That would be nice.

Unfortunately, I don 't know a thing about it.

For today, I am going to focus on just one of my jobs (since, although this person didn't realize it, I have more than one) to simplify the focus of the blog.
I am an author.

If you don't think this is a job, then you have never done it. Or perhaps you haven't done it the way I do it. The following post is full of my opinions on the craft and my advice. I can't cite its credibility. I can tell you I have won some awards, gotten some awesome reviews and hit a bestsellers list using these tools but I don't know everything. (That is the cool thing about being a writer... You get to learn something new everyday. Best job on the planet. Just yesterday, I learned about death erections. W00T!) If that isn't enough credibility, there is a red x somewhere floating to the far right corner of your screen. Click it. (sorry. first cuppa coffee. muahhahahaa...)

What is an authors job?

The simple answer is to tell a story. But if it really was that simple, everyone would do it. To tell a story well, your story has to flow, have believable characters, have understandable terms, move the characters forward in some way and leave readers feeling like they have gone on a journey with you.

Sounds pretty easy, right?

Flow

If your editor tells you that something doesn't flow well, this is a huge problem.

Example:

The acrid burn of the smoke and the crackle of flames was a living thing, churning like a red sea around Marcy. Crawling on her hands and knees, she choked and thought of the ocean. The ocean had pretty waves that broke on sand. Sand was gritty. Gritty like the air around Marcy. If she could just get out of this hellhole, she could find her son.

Okay, I think I made it pretty obvious in that passage where the flow breaks up and throws the reader off track. If not, let me remove part of it and tell me if you can see how it flows better with some of it taken out.

Example:

The acrid burn of the smoke and the crackle of flames was a living thing, churning like a red sea around Marcy. Crawling on her hands and knees, she choked. If she could just get out of this hellhole, she could find her son.

Flow can be even more dramatic than that example but the point is that it throws the reader out of the story you are telling. Anything that jars the reader, taking away from the story you are telling, is considered a disruption of flow. It can even be an awkward word choice. Like this example:

Darcy's hands fluttered like lead balloons. Lead does not flutter. Neither do balloons-they float. Your reader's head is tilted sideways and they are thinking, "Huh?" And you lost them.

Believable Characters

Believable characters are one of the hardest things for an author to accomplish. The art of breathing life into words and turning them into people that you could actually fall in love with, hate, laugh at, be friends with... that is nothing less than magic.

But you have to do it on two levels as an author. It is your job to not only breathe life into your human (or alien or animal or... whatever) characters but also your setting. Worldbuilding is just as important as telling us that your main character has brown eyes and likes ice cream.

It is a balancing act. You can't dump all of the info on us. (I will do another post another day on the disservice of an infodump.) But you have to know it so intimately that we can see it with you. Which brings about the key to giving us those believable characters...

Show, Don't Tell

You can't tell me that she has brown eyes or that she is hurting. Show me those brown eyes leaking tears of agony and have her scream her pain to the stars. Tricky. But if you distance me, the reader from your characters by telling me what they are doing rather than showing me...

I am bored. I have just been jarred out of the story. You lost your flow. You didn't do your job, author. And I, the reader, am suffering because of it.

And while you are doing this, you have to do it in understandable terms...

What the hell are understandable terms? Good question. Understandable terms are things that your reader are familiar with. I know, making a reader learn something new is great. I try to write in something that will teach at least one tidbit in each and every story I tell--even my shorts. I love to learn and I love to teach. Tossing a moral in or a chance to get on my soapbox... I love that shit. Especially if I can sneak it in.

But that is why we have context clues. Your job as an author includes giving fragments of information when introducing new terms so that the reader can keep on seamlessly reading without cranking out the dictionary or googling every other word.

Now, this does NOT hold true for academic writing or non-fiction. But for fiction writing, the goal is to take the reader away on a journey and you can't do that if you lose them. You want to take them with you and you have the tools (words) to do that. Make sure you give them the breadcrumbs they need to stay with you.

Move the characters forward

Allowing room for growth is important. If your character starts the book off afraid to get into a relationship because her last one was with an abusive SOB... she has tons of room for growth. If your male lead is emotionally retarded because he doesn't believe in love and is stupid enough to tell her that, GREAT! But remember, they have to move forward from that point. And you can't have them do something so unredeemable that your readers pitch the book across the room, done with the characters and done with you as an author.

A balancing act

All in all, it is a balancing act. You are juggling characters. You are juggling social networks. You are juggling publishers and editors and other author friends. You have a real life, too.

And sometimes people in your real life will comment that you need to get a real job... *giggle*
Because... y'know... writing isn't any work.

Happy writing! And juggling.